Book recommendation: Sabriel by Garth Nix

As it’s International Women’s Day today, I thought it would be nice to celebrate one of my favorite female characters and also provide a series recommendation.

I have loved fantasy since I was in middle school, and often browsed the library for books that simply looked cool. And one day I picked up this book called “Sabriel” by this guy named Garth Nix. On the front was a young woman holding a little bell in one hand and a sword in the other with this cool blue surcoat on and a bandolier of bells across her chest. Behind her is a really scary-looking dark cloud with an evil face in it. So I checked the book out, took it home, and have loved it to this day. 

“Sabriel” contains some of my favorite fantasy elements: there’s magic, there are swords, there’s a powerful and mysterious book, there are talking animals who aren’t quite animals, and there are powerful objects you use to channel magic. The story begins in sort of an early 20th-century setting in a country called Ancelstierre, but takes place mostly in The Old Kingdom, which is a land of magic and quite a bit of danger and has more of a medieval feel. There’s also a magic system in the book that is relatively simple to understand for those of us who don't wanna get bogged down in the details. 

The character Sabriel is part of a long line of people called the Abhorsen, who work to protect the living world from powerful Dead creatures bent on destroying humanity. The Abhorsen carries a sword and seven bells, each whose sound creates a certain effect on those who hear it -- for example, one bell lulls enemies to sleep, one will either allow speech or make someone silent, and another will bring dead bodies to life as it pushes its wielder further into death. Of course, there are antagonists seeking to use Dead creatures to build an army or amass power and the Abhorsen is a role that has been around hundreds if not thousands of years to make sure the Dead stay dead. 

The Abhorsen is also uniquely able to enter the realm of Death, where he or she can use the bells to confront Dead creatures trying to make their way into life. This first book is focused on Sabriel’s journey to find her father, the current Abhorsen, whom she believes is in danger after he sends her his sword and bells. 

Now, I love this book and I love Sabriel as a character for quite a few reasons. The first is that...sometimes I want a complicated protagonist (like Kvothe of "The Kingkiller Chronicle"), and sometimes I want someone straightforward. Sabriel falls into the latter category in my opinion. She’s not morally gray. She accepts her duty as future Abhorsen, she’s both logical and compassionate, she’s very brave, she’s determined, she’s also not afraid to ask for help. She does, of course, have moments of fear and doubt as many heroes do but she pushes through. She’s not over-sexualized either which I do appreciate -- she’s just a GOOD hero and I think she’s really cool. And she’s not just limited to one book! 

The book “Sabriel” was first published in 1995 and had two direct sequels, “Lirael” published in 2001 and “Abhorsen” in 2003 as well as two more recent works that make up what’s called the Old Kingdom series -- Sabriel herself is in four of five of these books so if you read the series, you get to spend a lot of time with her.

In the first book Sabriel is 18 and she’s probably closer to 40 in the following stories. The second two books are mostly focused on Lirael, another heroine, and Sabriel’s son Sam, both of whom I also love and who are a bit more complex of characters; also in those second two books, "Lirael" and "Abhorsen," the talking cat (who is not really a cat) comes back BUT THERE IS ALSO A TALKING DOG who is not really a dog but who takes the form of a dog -- it’s great stuff. It can be a little scary and suspenseful at some points when you’re dealing with these evil ugly dead creatures and talking about walking through death, you definitely get a bit of a horror feel at times, so fair warning. From someone who is a bit of a chicken when it comes to these things -- I didn’t ever find the books too intense myself, even as a kid, so hopefully you will all be ok if you choose to make this adventure. 

I absolutely recommend the series to any lover of fantasy -- you can probably find cheap copies at a Half Price Books or a local bookstore because they’re kind of old at this point and I HIGHLY recommend the audiobooks -- the first three books in the series are read by Tim Curry and he does a wonderful job. If you don’t want to support the Amazon/Audible machine, you can check your local library to see if they will rent out audiobooks that you can download on your phone and enjoy Curry’s narration. They’re also not particularly long books which is handy for someone like me who wants to read them over and over. 

A bit about the author -- author Garth Nix, an Australian, has been in the game for about 30 years and everything I’ve read by him has been very imaginative and he always has female characters front and center. I think in his recent works he has been more cognizant of including representation of different races and sexual preferences, BUT even back in 1995 when he published "Sabriel," there are non-white characters included. As far as romance in the books, it IS there but I wouldn’t say it’s heavy by any means, the author is more focused on plot and action and worldbuilding. As with anything I love I do have some critiques of this series but that hasn’t stopped me from reading them a bunch of times. 

If you are interested in the series, I would recommend reading in the following order: "Sabriel" first, then "Lirael," then" Abhorsen;" these are the original trilogy and I think they’re best as a set. Then you have "Clariel," which is a prequel of sorts, and "Goldenhand," which continues with the story of Lirael, Sabriel, and the other characters we know and love. I do like "Clariel" even though it’s almost entirely a separate set of characters and it does link to Goldenhand" -- however if there’s one I WOULD skip it’s that one. 

All in all, Sabriel has been part of my life for probably close to 20 years -- I think I read the book around the time I was 10 or 11 and I still love it to this day, so even though the character is 18 in the first book I think it’s a book you will still enjoy no matter HOW old you are!

Happy reading!

The enduring humanity of Wanda Maximoff

 This post contains spoilers for the series finale of "WandaVision," which aired March 5, 2021.

Dread it. Run from it. Grief arrives all the same.

Don't miss a moment of Marvel Studios' #WandaVision, now streaming on @DisneyPlus. pic.twitter.com/nq3j7ii6LP

— WandaVision (@wandavision) February 1, 2021

Wanda Maximoff has sat with grief more than anyone should have to in a lifetime. We get a front seat — both to her grief and her time processing it — in the penultimate episode of "WandaVision." After her parents’ death, we see her trapped under the rubble and then in her room at HYDRA, isolated and watching old shows to comfort herself, unable to escape her aching sadness. After her brother’s death, we never see his burial. And either way, Wanda is effectively imprisoned at New Avengers Facility, again sitting on a bed that isn’t hers as she watches TV, consumed by loss.

When Vision dies in "Infinity War", Wanda has a brief moment to come to peace with the fact he died to save the world before Thanos cruelly reverses time just to kill him again. There, Wanda has mere moments to grieve before being snapped out of existence, returning in "Endgame" to boost the Avengers against the Mad Titan.

There’s a funeral for Tony Stark and a bench thrown for Natasha Romanoff, but nothing for Vision. Wanda chooses not to hide from her grief but to confront it, first at SWORD headquarters and then in that empty lot in New Jersey. This is old hat for her at this point; we presume she didn’t get to see her parents’ bodies so she wants to see her love’s, to give herself some sense of closure. For once. So, she meets her grief head on. And it swallows her whole and takes a whole town with it.

For those of us without magic, grief manifests in less cinematic, but no less devastating ways. We grieve loved ones, relationships, friendships, careers, routines, and places. We grieve the loss of our good health, of a pet, of our childhood home. Grief has no blueprint for how or when it affects us. Some choose to hide it, only to have it come crashing in years later. Some choose to confront it, hoping to diminish it, and still feel as if they are exploding with the pain. It can reach out and affect every aspect of our lives — and the lives of those around us.

From the jump, I was wary of WandaVision. How many times in media have we encountered a powerful woman who became dangerous simply because she was emotional and “couldn’t control it” (Dany, Willow, Jean Grey, Elsa)? How many times have real women been pushed aside simply for expressing their feelings, dismissed as hormonal or crazy? Would this show about a powerful woman in the grip of grief be any different?

In some ways, yes. And in other ways, no. And I think that’s all right. Wanda Maximoff’s love for Vision created the Hex, but it wasn’t ultimately what broke that scarlet barrier. It was her humanity. It was the realization that her “perfect neighborhood” had so deeply traumatized the regular inhabitants of Westview, who were collectively grieving the loss of their autonomy and agency as they stepped towards her in the street. It was Dottie (Sarah), it seems, who really reached through Wanda’s grief with her own as she begged to be able to hold her little daughter. Perhaps this hit a nerve with Wanda, who was only a little older than Dottie’s daughter when she lost her own mother. And Wanda has a touching moment with Monica near the end of the episode where Monica tells her, with compassion in her eyes, that she would have done something similar if it meant bringing her mother back. It’s a reminder to Wanda that all of us grieve.

Well, maybe not ALL of us. As Vision told Wanda in episode 8, he does not know grief because he has not had anyone to lose. We see him experience joy, fear, surprise, anger, and love in the Hex — all human emotions, just as grief is a human emotion. Wanda may be some prophesied sorceress, yes, but she is still human. She showed that humanity by choosing to take down the Hex and allow the townsfolk to live freely again, effectively erasing her life with Vision and the twins. Yes, it was the right thing to do, and who knows how long the Hex had been active, but it still took strength and compassion to do — to expose her battered soul to more grief.

And before she loses Vision a third time, she tells him, “You are my sadness and my hope. But mostly, you’re my love.”

After all, what is grief if not love persevering?

Our failures, ourselves: Missing the World Cup

I am disappointed.

There is still an ache in the part of my heart that loves soccer, and loves my team, and I understand how our players must feel. I am disappointed for so many US Soccer servants who may never see a World Cup again: Bradley, Howard, Dempsey, Guzan, Beasley, Wondolowski, Zusi, Cameron, Bedoya, Jones and McCarty are all 30+ and could retire before Qatar in 2022. I am disappointed for my friend Donald and many members of American Outlaws who pour their heart and soul into following our USMNT around the country and across the water, who scream and cheer and push us to "believe that we will win." I am disappointed for the young players who missed two Olympics and will now miss a World Cup.

U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard lies in the goal area after being scored upon by Trinidad and Tobago at a World Cup qualifying match at Ato Boldon Stadium in Couva, Trinidad and Tobago, Tuesday, Oct. 10, 2017. (AP Photo/Rebecca Blackwell)

I’m also angry. I have never played at a professional or international level, so I don’t understand how this happened, but I am pissed off. And who am I, even? Just a fan who wants to see the red, white, and blue tested against the world’s best. A fan who expects that, when our players put on that shirt, they know I am watching and they want to do right by me because I am an American, and they represent me on that field. They represent all of us. The USA shirt is heavy --but they know that every time they pull it on. They go to work. They make their money. They play under the floodlights, they see little kids wearing their name and number, they live out the childhood dreams of millions.

They carry the weight and expectations of a nation as they run across that green grass.

That weight is different now.

So, what happened? We can blame the loss on a lot of things. Cockiness. Lack of rest. Field conditions. Formation. Bruce Arena. Jurgen Klinsmann. Sunil Gulati. The referees. Our 2-1 loss to Trinidad is the focal point right now, but look back and see that this was of our own making. Of our games in the Hex, we won 3, tied 3, and lost 4. We didn’t deserve to go through. A tie in Trinidad or some goals in another match should not have shaped our destiny. We failed.

United States' Clint Dempsey reacts during a 2018 World Cup qualifying soccer match against Trinidad and Tobago in Couva, Trinidad, Tuesday, Oct. 10, 2017. (AP Photo/Rebecca Blackwell)

CONCACAF is not a surprise or a great mystery. Our players and other CONCACAF member players meet in the MLS weekly. We were crowned Gold Cup champions against these same opponents mere months ago. Before and after the Gold Cup, we failed to win our World Cup qualifiers in Costa Rica, Panama, Honduras, and Trinidad. Was the Gold Cup win (and our fourth place finish in Copa America the year before) because we only played on American soil in front of US Soccer faithful?

Why, then, did I stumble dumbly out of Columbus’s MAPFRE Stadium last November after a 2-1 loss to Mexico, freezing cold and covered in someone else’s beer, having seen the magic of “Dos a Cero” fail us? Why were we embarrassed in New Jersey in September, when Costa Rica put us down 2-0 in New Jersey? Bruce Arena can comment all he wants about how hard it is to qualify through CONCACAF. We proved his point this week, I suppose. Anyone can blame the field in Trinidad, can't they? Even as our US Women and our NWSL still struggle to get equal field condition footing with the men, on turf or on grass? Even as Belgium defeated Bosnia on a field that wasn't any better this week? Surely we didn’t lose because these US boys forgot how to get their boots wet, right?

Look, teams miss the Cup. Germany’s missed it. England’s missed it. The Netherlands aren’t going this year. It happens. It’s embarrassing. I hope the discussion among fans and pundits does not stop. The men’s game needs to be shocked into action. Why didn’t our young players qualify for the last two Olympics? They are the vanguard now, and they have missed out on three incredible opportunities to play at the highest level of competition. What will this team look like by then? Who will be the manager? Will we still be reliant on one man, one star who can shine abroad, one “secret” weapon we desperately can’t stop talking about? Will we see players like Brooks, Wood, Green, Johannsson, and Yedlin making bigger names for themselves outside of the MLS?

A thought on CP: We should not have to rely on the skills of one young man to pull us through. Pulisic is brilliant, and he is the future of US Soccer, but the entire weight of the country cannot sit on one teenager’s shoulders. We cannot expect him to pull us out of every situation, Messi-like, rising like a god to save our skins and do what everyone else on the pitch cannot. It is a heavy weight to bear. A team that revolves around and relies upon one player is not a team. Pulisic probably won’t go the way of Freddy Adu, our last young phenom, but it worries me how we look to him as a savior.

Perhaps Pulisic and some of our younger players are lucky. They have four years to get ready for this again. They have time to grow, and find success, and let this disappointment fester. They have time to crave the taste of WC competition, time to think about how to get there and breathe that rare air. So do we, the fans. So does the USSF. Nothing matters now but 2022. We need to be ready for it. The time starts now.

Books I've read in 2017: The Name of the Wind and The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss

My name is Kvothe.

I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I was expelled from the University at a younger age than most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to Gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep.

You may have heard of me.

I have read (and listened, via Audible) to a beautifully-wrought fantasy series by Patrick Rothfuss several times this year. A friend of mine introduced me in 2014 and I discovered the story of Kvothe slowly, reading the books off and on before finally being hooked. Now, I'm on my 5th re-read and discover a new piece of the puzzle every time.

I suppose that part of the series' appeal right now is that it is unfinished, and the depth of storytelling allows fans to analyze the intricate writing to try and speculate about Book 3. It's been 10 years since The Name of the Wind was published, and 6 since its sequel The Wise Man's Fear. We're still waiting on the third installment in the series, tentatively called The Doors of Stone. Through the expansive first few books, Rothfuss carefully crafts a world of magic, music, and myth.

Our hero Kvothe--or perhaps our antihero--was once regarded highly as a singer, swordsman, magician, genius, and overall legend. Now, he has fallen from public grace after starting a war, perhaps faked his own death, and now manages a quiet inn, a shadow of his former self. Rothfuss describes him at the beginning and end of each book as "a man who is waiting to die." It is the story of his life, told in his own words, from an idyllic childhood as a trouper to the murder of his parents by a mysterious group of people, to the University where he searches for answers to their death, and far beyond.

At the same time, the frame story reveals how dangerous the world has truly become, and how Kvothe blames himself for everything that happened.

I am not quite sure what I will read after I finish Wise Man's Fear for the fifth time. I may take a break. I may delve back in. Hopefully, if nothing else I've said so far has, this will be what convinces someone to give these a try--the fact that this series is worth that many rereads!

Click here for an excerpt of NotW from Pat Rothfuss' official site!

"The Weight of These Wings" review--finding peace and finding yourself

The lasting image of Miranda Lambert in many people's minds is the Miranda Lambert we met on her first two albums--the one who would burn a cheating ex's house down, kill an abusive husband, or fight an ex's new flame in a bar. But her more recent albums showed a steadier side, as she settled into a long relationship and began feeling comfortable in her own skin.

"Four the Record" definitely contained some sassy numbers ("Mama's Broken Heart," "Fastest Girl in Town"), but it also contained the heartbreaking "Over You," which she wrote with ex-husband Blake Shelton.

On "Platinum," we began to see how self-aware Lambert is of her celebrity status and of her role as a mentor to younger artists. She muses about aging ("Gravity's a Bitch,") about teen pregnancy ("Babies Making Babies,") about staying in a lasting celebrity marriage ("Priscilla,") and about the good ol' days growing up, when life was a little less hectic ("Automatic").

Here, on her sixth studio album "The Weight of These Wings," we find a woman who endured a very public heartbreak at the pinnacle of her career. We find a woman who was broken and who has dragged herself back into the light after what surely were some of her darkest days. We find a woman who, to borrow a phrase from Lin-Manuel Miranda, wrote her way out--and gave us a double album in the process.

The lead single, "Vice," should tell you enough--it's told from the perspective of a woman who is drinking, sleeping, and driving her way through her own personal hell. That theme continues, with hazy musings about living a vagabond life and spending too much time at bars, as the woman behind it all re-learns who she is and what she wants out of life.

In the buildup for the album, Lambert hasn't said much. There were no big sit-down interviews about who wronged who in her past relationship. Her Instagram is full of dog photos and musings about making music. She could have gone the old route, burning old bridges with glee and stopping to think about it later. But she's older now, and perhaps the temper has tempered--or perhaps she just doesn't think it's worth the effort to confront her demons with fire and steel.

(Photo: Daniela Federici via MirandaLambert.com)

"The Weight of These Wings" doesn't contain any collaborations with big names. It's a mostly subdued epic, a tour de force from someone who will be remembered as one of country music's greatest. It's raw and it's heavy at times, and you hear it in the way Lambert's voice breaks and soars over 24 tracks. It feels familiar to those of us who have ever been heartbroken. It feels like a smoky bar and a taxi and a morning sipping coffee on your front porch before the sun is up. It feels like waking up after a night wrestling with demons--unsure how you're going to move forward, but determined to do so however you can. 

What happened last night at the CMAs?

Man, I'll tell y'all what.

We were saved. 

Ok! I can finally talk about one of the greatest weeks of my life! Thank you @Beyonce ! You slay. All day! pic.twitter.com/XJCOrdweih

— Natalie Maines (@1NatalieMaines) November 3, 2016

The 50th anniversary of the CMAs offered country music an opportunity to dig deep into its (whitewashed) recent past and bring some of the genre's most storied names back on stage.

You almost forget about whiny pop-country acts like Luke Bryan, Florida-Georgia Line, and their ilk when Reba, Clint Black, George Strait, Alan Jackson, "Mr. and Mrs. Yearwood," and Randy Travis pop back out there and sing. It's a heartening reminder for those of us who feel like we are drowning in white boys in white t-shirts, embroidered jeans, and snapbacks. Dolly Parton picked up a lifetime achievement award. Garth Brooks won entertainer of the year. Randy Travis sang after his stroke. This was a good year.

And then Beyoncé G. Knowles-Carter showed up. And she brought the Dixie Chicks, whom country music hasn't really forgiven for bashing George Bush back in 2003.

Texas. 

Image Group LA/Getty Images

Even country music doesn't exist in a vacuum, so I'm sure this audience knows a few songs off of "Lemonade." We know Miranda Lambert does, and her love for her fellow Texan has been well-documented.

If you have been living under a rock, "Daddy Lessons" is a stomping, brass-led beauty of a song that touches upon some of country music's favorite standbys--guns, bad relationships, and advice from your daddy.

The online reaction was mixed. Celebrities and Beyhive members were floored, inspired, enthusiastic, and ready to crown Bey queen of Nashville.

Some country fans, however, were less than impressed--perhaps still smarting from Beyonce's purported anti-police views, they feel it was "disrespectful" for country music to welcome her to the stage. Simply wade into any of the posts on the CMA Facebook page, and there you have it.  

On the surface, some of the complaints are that Beyonce's music does not belong on this awards show. But any country music fan--or artist--who scowled during this crossover simply based on its musicality is kidding him or herself. How can you allow Taylor Swift back on stage in 2016, then, if country music is suddenly such a sacred entity? Why do we allow Luke Bryan and Florida-Georgia Line to infuse hip-hop, and even make call-outs to hip-hop, in their music, without batting an eye? How are Sam Hunt and Jason Aldean permitted to rap in their songs and still win awards? Aldean even has performed on stage with Ludacris! Nelly has re-done Thomas Rhett's "Die a Happy Man." And last year, Justin Timberlake (a southern boy, yes, but no country artist) sang on stage with Chris Stapleton at these very awards.

Suddenly, a black woman performing a country song on her album is such an egregious offense?

Surely, given all that country music has taken from hip-hop lately, this argument is null and void. And thus, we get to the heart of the argument--it's political at best, and racial at worst.

I think the Associated Press sums it up nicely (emphasis mine):

Not everyone was prepared to welcome Beyonce with open arms. "Let me have my country music in peace" wrote one critic on Twitter. Another suggested that whoever had invited her should be fired. Still another threatened: "I was going to watch, but not now." 

But many others sounded thrilled, including country singers Brad Paisley (who tweeted "Welcome") and Cassadee Pope (who said, "I'm gunna explode."). The CMAs have previously invited non-country artists before, as they did last year with Justin Timberlake.

Jennifer Nettles was just happy to hear the song: "Everybody loves the harmonies, loves the music. Don't get it twisted. It's about the music. If you make it about it about something else, you're wrong," she said after the show. 

Beyonce has been criticized by some for her half-time show at the Super Bowl that referenced the Black Lives Matter movement, Malcolm X and the Black Panthers, as well as her video for "Formation" that includes images of a hooded black child facing police and graffiti scrawled on a wall that reads "Stop Shooting Us."

The problem, if there is one, is not with country music. It's with its fans. As referenced above and in some earlier media coverage, country artists responded well to "Daddy Lessons."

The fans are the ones with a problem. The fans are the ones who can't let go of what Natalie Mains said in 2003. The fans are the ones who can't stomach someone on stage who feels differently than them. The fans, also, are the ones who continue to buy and request country crossover songs by Bryan, Aldean, Hunt, FGL, Chase Rice, and a whole host of other men desperate to cash in on the latest trend--appropriating a traditionally black sound for their traditionally white audience because it "sounds good."

Does it really sound good?  

If country music is looking to hip-hop, "Daddy Lessons" is the song to look to--and after all, let's not forget that the roots of country music run much deeper than the last 50 years with Dolly Parton. And, some of the original trailblazers look a lot different than the white-bread fellas and gals we see at every country awards show.

Freedom to lead

Five years ago I was at a conference in Washington for students interested in working towards peace in Darfur. It was then I first learned about Aung San Suu Kyi, the Nobel Peace Price-winning leader from Burma (Myanmar). I was inspired by her work to get her people out from under the heel of an oppressive military regime--millions of people displaced, ethnic oppression and intimidation, forced labor, sexual violence, etc.

A few days after the conference (2010), she was released from 15 years under house arrest for her work to bring democracy to the country.

A little over three years ago, I drove to Indiana to hear her speak and sat with hundreds of people from her home country who view her as a hero (as I do).

And in the past few days, Myanmar held elections, seen as the most democratic in 25 years.

Tonight, the AP reports that Daw Suu Kyi has won her seat in Parliament--note that she is not allowed to be president because the military specifically wrote a law to block her from the position. However, her party is expected to win most of the seats in the government.

This is a HUMONGOUS step for Burma and also a test for this new government, as hundreds of thousands of Rohingya Muslims are still persecuted in the largely Buddhist country (and have been blocked from voting).

I am incredibly happy to see the beginnings of change (assuming, of course, the military steps down and allows new leadership). I am also hopeful that the new government is representative of all people in Burma.

You are Cait. I am confused by your comments.

Dear Caitlyn:

Hi.

A very belated welcome to "the family," as I like to refer to other LGBTIQA folks. I can already tell that the conversation about transgender people is shifting because someone so famous is speaking out about her experience and her life.

I know you know all about family. You're part of a famous one! And even before Kris came along, you were in the public eye--girl, you've got an Olympic medal. You've been on a box of Wheaties. And now you are a public figure who has gone under an extraordinary and very brave transformation. It has warmed my heart to see how your children, your mom, your ex-wife and many others have supported and embraced you. Family can make or break you, as I'm sure you know.

Here's the thing about your new family.

There are a lot of us, first of all. Many may still be living in the closet for fear of rejection, persecution, or any other unpleasant thing that ends in -ion (execution comes to mind but I'm trying to keep this light).

Second of all, we don't always know what everyone else is going through. I don't know anything firsthand about transitioning. I try to learn, and I try to understand, and I try to advocate for the trans folks in my life and out there in the world.

I was a bit confused when you told Ellen your stance on gay marriage. It seems like you're...ah, I don't know, a bit lukewarm on gay marriage still?

CREDIT: The Ellen Show

You asked Ellen if the word "marriage" was the important thing. ...well, yeah, of course it is. We want the same rights as everyone else. I want to say I'm married to someone one day, not that I am legally bound by a court to share the same taxes.

I was also a bit baffled about your comments to Matt Lauer about that Halloween costume of you.

CREDIT: BizPac Review

It's pissed a lot of people off in the LGBT community--perhaps the same way that costumes of certain ethnicities do. Trans people aren't a costume, they say, and far too many people have been tortured and murdered for this to be even remotely acceptable. Far too many men are going to take that costume of you and make horribly transphobic comments.

You also chatted with Matt and assured him it was all right if he accidentally said something offensive--and you hinted that you're a little more chill than those activist folks out there.

So.

I don't think I'm the only one who is a bit confused. Up until now, you have enjoyed a very warm welcome from the LGBT fam. But some of us are indignant. In your TV show "I am Cait," you are able to control the narrative a bit more, but not necessarily in interviews.

And what I think has become clear is that you haven't spent enough time with the rest of the LGBT community or--dare I say it--your struggles have been a lot different.

I am NOT saying they are invalid. I know your identity is something you have struggled with for many of your 65 years.

I'm saying your struggles are not the norm, and that is skewing your perspective. I'm saying you are coming from a place of privilege (formerly male privilege) and you don't understand the community as a whole.

1. I think you're lucky to come from a loving family.

Here's a statistic: family rejection and discrimination and violence have contributed to a large number of transgender and other LGBQ-identified youth who are homeless in the United States – an estimated 20-40% of the more than 1.6 million homeless youth.

Outside of the youth part of it: The National Center for Transgender Equality says one in five transgender people has been homeless at some point in their lives.

Even if trans people are not kicked out of their homes, they have issues with their families accepting them.

2. I think you're lucky to have money at your disposal.

Every transition process is different. The Philadelphia Center for Transgender Surgery offers price estimates for MTF and FTM procedures. The prices are staggering--THOUSANDS. And that's just the surgery. Talking to doctors and taking HRT and buying new clothes and going to therapy presents, no doubt, a daunting sum even for someone like you.

3. I think you're lucky to be white.

Sixteen of the at least 20 LGBT people murdered in 2014 were people of color, according to the NCAVP; 11 were transgender women, and 10 were transgender women of color.

Not to mention white people are just much more privileged than minorities. Which I know you know, as you've lived more than 60 years as a rich white Republican dude. And which I also know, as I have lived my 25 years of life as a middle-class white girl.

4. I think you're lucky to live a comfortable life, when it comes down to it. 

Transgender women are being murdered at a disgusting rate. 

Transgender women are resorting to sex work to make ends meet. 

.....I know you are from another generation than I am. I know you have struggled. I know your life has not been easy.

But your experiences are far from universal--and there are much more common experiences in the trans community and the LGBT community as a whole. Being discriminated against. Being shunned by family and friends. Seeing disgusting transphobic and homophobic portrayals in the media. Hoping that, one day, we can all have equal rights for marriage.

You have the platform, you have the support, you have the money, you have the fans. What I think you don't have are, maybe, the friends and the shared experiences that define many of us. And that is essential to understanding our identities and our desires and the issues that are important to the community.

Your comments are not helping a movement you and your TV show have been sharing with the world. They are not helping the people who have worked so hard for marriage equality and for positive representation in media. They are not helping a movement that was ignited in part by trans women of color at Stonewall in 1969.

In short, they are not helping your new family.

I can only ask you to be more mindful of what you say and do in front of an audience of millions--it matters.

Thank you.

And again--welcome to the fam.




P.S.

If you ever read this, please tell Kim I love her Hollywood game.

One of country's biggest couples calls it quits

Time to break out the "Kerosene" and "Gunpowder and Lead" albums, guys. Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton are purportedly getting divorced.

Credit: Taste of Country

The two have been dating since 2006 and were married in May 2011--Blake, as you may know, was married at the time he met Ran in 2005.

As a diehard Miranda fan, I often have to brush aside rumors of them fighting or being pregnant or drinking too much or cheating. But I believe TMZ if they have their hands on divorce docs. I'll reserve judgement on who did what for now, and can only hope it's going to be amiable. They have a long road ahead as two of country's biggest.

Country music has too many bros, and Miranda Lambert is the only one stopping them.

As happy as I am for Miranda Lambert, I am disappointed at the lack of female artists in country music at last night's CMAs. Miranda was, really, the ONLY viable female candidate. Most of the categories were all dudes. 

Miranda Lambert was virtually the only viable female candidate on Wednesday (USA Today)

Entertainer of the year was Miranda and four guys.

Album of the year was Miranda and four guys.

New artist of the year was Brandy Clark and four guys.

Single of the year was Miranda, three guys and Tim McGraw "featuring" Faith Hill even if she was barely on the song.

Duo of the year was four all-male duos and one male-female duo.

The female vocalist of the year category was bleak. Carrie, Martina, Taylor, Kacey and Miranda...with Taylor out, who will they pick next year to fill out the category??

The male vocalist of the year could have been filled by any number of dudes in expensive jeans with wallet chains, calling girls "baby" and sticking synthesizers in their tunes. Male country artists are a dime a dozen, and people eat their formulaic drabble up with a spoon.

Like these idiots (USA Today)

Some of the other categories are better with female representation in musical groups (LBT, Lady A, Band Perry). Kacey Musgraves also did well, but she was the only other real contender as a woman. It's just disappointing to know how few women are making noise in the industry.

Kacey Musgraves won song of the year for "Follow Your Arrow," which is a HUGE deal considering the song's pro-LGBT message (USA Today)

Let me tell you something about Taylor Swift.

I liked her music in high school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then when I was in college, she started putting out this music that was totally pop but ran on the country stations, and Taylor was like, weirdly okay with that.

Like, if she would destroy the industry singlehandedly, reviewers would be like, "Why didn't you just call yourself a pop star?" And she'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for the 2014 CMAs, which was an all-country music party, they were like, "Taylor, we can't nominate you for much, because we think you're a pop singer." I mean, they couldn't have a pop singer at their party. There were gonna be girls there in their cowboy boots. I mean, right? She was a POP SINGER.

So then her mom called Miranda Lambert's mom and started yelling at her, it was so ridiculous. And then she dropped out of country music because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for pop music, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack.

(inspired by Mean Girls and someone asking me about my Taylor hate).

Hey NFL, do I matter?

Pete Rose: lifetime ineligibility for betting on baseball
Luis Suarez: four-month ban for biting someone at the World Cup
Michael Vick: 21 months in prison for running a dogfighting ring
Chad Johnson: released by the Miami Dolphins for headbutting wife; on probation for a year
Ray Rice: TWO-GAME ban for slugging his fiancee twice in an elevator and then dragging her out


I don't care how long Rose and Vick had been running their illegal side game, or how many times Suarez bit other players. Shouldn't domestic abuse mean more than just a slap on the wrist for this guy?!

Do women not matter as much to the NFL? Rice knocked this woman out.  There's a video.

In the Barclays Premier League, you get eight-game bans for being racist.

In the NFL, you get a two-game ban for punching your fiancee out.


Thank goodness for the new rule: 

 Penalties against players will now be a six-game suspension for a first offense and a banishment of at least one year for a second offense — under league policy, the players don't have to be convicted of a crime to be punished.

Let's get this guy retroactively. What do you say, Roger Goodell?

To James Foley and all the journalists who have been kidnapped, threatened, held hostage, tortured, murdered, or have suffered at all in the hands of terrorists...

Thank you for your bravery, your work, and your commitment to your craft.

Our world is made better by people like you. 

The ice bucket challenge--how to make it count and shut off the haters

Those of us who did the ice bucket challenge have been getting some heat from other folks who say we are wasting water OR that we are not actually donating.

The second one is obviously false. The IBC has gathered $22.9 MILLION for research to Lou Gehrig's Disease over the last THREE WEEKS, a huge increase from last year.

Ten bucks of that was mine--please excuse the bragging.

However, the first point people make is correct. Lots of folks lack clean water...so, therefore, I would encourage any of you doing the challenge to donate to ALS (duh) AND to donate to another cause to bring water.

No offense, California. I know you're in drought. But there aren't any charities I can find to give water--just to further research or help a lobbying company.

And I am SURE people in the world need water more than you.

So, here is a list of projects from the United Methodist Committee on Relief (UMCOR) to bring water to impoverished places. Grab your debit cards, kids!! And see if your employer matches the donation!

If given the opportunity, would I have been "Faking It?"

Like it is with many shows I watch these days, I first read about the MTV show "Faking It" on Tumblr (and saw a ton of .gifs). The premise made me raise an eyebrow. Two best friends fake being gay so that they become popular in their super-accepting Austin high school. Super-popular gay guy Shane (played by Michael Willett) mistakes them for lesbians and outs them, encouraging the whole student body to vote for them for Homecoming queens--so, they decide to go for it.

L to R: Amy, Shane, Karma.

Karma (played by Katie Stevens), is more concerned about her image and about landing a boyfriend (Liam, played by Gregg Sulkin) than her best friend Amy (played by Rita Volk). Also, by the end of the first episode, you get the impression that while Karma is going to fake it for popularity, Amy is most likely going to realize that she is hella gay.

Look at that look though

Of course, the show is not without its critics. I am not yet sure if I am one of these critics. I just know that, after watching the pilot, I have found myself coming back to the same question--would I have faked it in high school?

There is a quintessential (in my experience) rite of passage for queer folks--falling for someone who is just not into your gender. It hurts. Dear Lord, does it hurt. And for those of us who aren't in an accepting school like Amy and Karma are, it's tough to find someone to commiserate with about our straight-girl crushes. And probably even tougher to find someone to date.

Now, when I came out I absolutely had a crush on one of my best friends. We did end up dating two years later (great success!) for a little while until it just didn't work out and my heart got broken (nooooo!). But for all I knew my freshman year, she was a total straight-girl crush. I also had a bit of a thing for this really pretty and popular volleyball player who sat behind me in math class. Ask me about the one time I tried to "anonymously" ask if she was gay. It was a disaster.

But I digress. If little old me had, my freshman year, been given the opportunity to date one of these girls and become popular, knowing they were not going to reciprocate my growing feelings, would I have taken that opportunity?

L to R: Liam, Karma, Amy

Damn, man, I just don't know. 

On one hand: popularity, sweet lady kisses, holding hands with a cute girl who I like. 

On the other hand: unrequited feelings, lying to the whole school, pain and suffering, watching your crush pine after a boy. Undoubtedly, high school me and Amy would just have our feelings grow and our hearts slowly and painfully begin to break after having so much of a good thing but knowing it isn't real.

And I think a lot of queer women (and men, and non-binary folks) have had that undesirable crush, that person who, every minute you spend with them, you feel at once elated and torn up. Elated to be in their presence and be hanging out with them. Torn up because you have feelings for them, and those feelings will probably never going to be reality. So, would I take the route of faking it?? Damn. I don't know. Probably, because the ride up would have been so awesome until my heart broke and I went plummeting into a sea of lesbian despair. 

This is probably the main reason I will hesitate to watch "Faking It." It may kill me. Because I've been there and it still hurts, six years out of high school. 

You guys, I act tough sometimes but I am fairly certain that Amy's inevitable fall for Karma will pierce through me like the blade of a Japanese demon firefly thing (y'all knew I had to bring that up--MTV, if you're listening, I AM STILL NOT OKAY WITH THAT). 

The premise is, certainly, interesting. How many shows do you see when the characters choose to be gay? You can't even choose to be gay in real life! The setting, even though it feels a little fake, is humorous. And I think the show overall, with its pop culture references and some of its stereotypical characters, is meant to be humorous while also meaning to deal with sexuality and the delicate balance of finding popularity and finding yourself. 

There is always a fight for minority representation on television, and I am always interested in a show about queer women (or, in this case, maybe just one woman). 2013 was a good year for LGBT media, and I say that knowing that there are shows and games and movies and books I haven't even experienced myself. Just off the top of my head, I can list "Orphan Black," "Lost Girl," "Orange Is the New Black," and then the video games "Gone Home" and "The Last of Us" as things I have seen with gay female relationships. "Teen Wolf" also had a short storyline about a gay couple. No offense to the guys on TV shows and in movies, but I just feel more drawn to gay female story lines. So, though there are things for me to watch with women like me, I still feel drawn to invest my time in "Faking It."

I'm only one episode in, and it was like 23 minutes long, so I can't write the show off or give it praise quite yet. Will I subject myself to torture for the next nine episodes? Can I handle it? Will it be worth suffering through? Will any of us be okay ever again? Should television be illegal? Did the second-to-last episode of "Teen Wolf" even happen (MTV, again, if you're reading this I'm mad and you should let Jeff Davis know)?

I guess time will tell--both if Amy is going to fall in love with her best friend, and if I am emotionally stable enough to watch this television show. Trust me, if I'm curled up in a ball in a few weeks muttering something about high school and straight girls and crushes...I won't be faking it. 

on Wednesdays we reminisce

Somewhere in the last decade, I have talked about "Mean Girls" enough that I am the go-to girl for my friends to share clips and crossovers and news about the movie, which was released 10 years ago today.

And if you ask me what my favorite movie is, I will emphatically tell you it's "Mean Girls." No actors in it that I particularly fawn over, no great messages that hit me in the heart every time. It's just a damn funny film, and practically every line is quotable.

It's funny, because the first time I saw "Mean Girls" was a bit of a rough patch for me. I remember the night I first saw it not for the impact it had on me, but for the overall awkwardness of the evening.

I came out as a lesbian the spring of my freshman year of high school--well, it started off as a tentative out of the closet, but the big yellow school bus of my own poor judgment hit me and I went flying out as one of if not the only openly gay kid in a Catholic high school of about 700 in Cincinnati in 2005. There was this girl who sat behind me in math class, very beautiful, very sweet, and I was pretty sure I had a crush on her. So, I wrote her an "anonymous" note from a "friend of a friend" asking if she was gay, and I gave it to her. Isn't that a terrible idea? Between sixth and seventh period, practically the whole freshman class knew I liked this girl. Again, big yellow school bus. Too bad I hadn't seen "Mean Girls" and learned how treacherous things like anonymous written confessions could be. But I was confused, and depressed, and had no one to talk to--and my reputation and a few friendships took a hit.

In grade school, I had six very close friends--when we went to high school, three went to my school and three to one of the other Catholic schools, an all-girls' school. The spring after freshman year, we all got together for a sleepover. I hadn't seen a few of them in a while. This was after I came out, so I told all of them individually before we got together. Most of them seemed totally okay with it. But I was still nervous. I mean, they can't just invite a lesbian to their sleepover party. I mean, right? I was a lesbian!

I don't remember the whole sleepover. But I do remember when the elephant in the room finally got too big to ignore, and the questions started. They're questions that I think all queer people get eventually. How do you know? Have you ever kissed a girl? Do you just, like, look at girls and tell that they're hot? Who do you have a crush on (implied: do you have a crush on one of us?)

Well, I didn't know how to answer that. So I dodged awkwardly, probably mumbled some stuff that placated the questions. I don't think they meant anything mean. I don't think any of them ever loved me any less. But they didn't understand me. And I didn't understand myself enough to help them understand me. And some of them probably thought I had a (big, lesbian) crush on them. And we were all 14 years old, six of seven were Catholic, the other Lutheran. Homosexuality wasn't something we understood. It felt like six against one, a bit.

I think, right after that, was when we crowded around to watch "Mean Girls" on someone's portable DVD player. I had never seen it. And it was, understandably, very awkward to watch. The opening scene of the movie contains a young boy talking about hunting homosexuals with a rifle (we're easier to stop point-blank; use a shotgun). Half of the punchlines about Damian revolve around him being "too gay to function." And Regina's whole thing about Janis being a lesbian...well. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or shrivel up in a ball.

I made it through that. And I made it through high school. And somewhere between 2005 and now, I have seen the movie more than any other in my young life (maybe--I did love "Bambi" as a toddler). And quoted it more than anything else, I am sure. And, as I said, it's not really any great moral triumph. People are assholes to each other all movie, and one girl being the scapegoat seems to be the solution...? Okay, there are some lessons to be learned about honesty, and image, and being true to yourself. But really, I love this movie for the comedy. Tina Fey is a gold mine. Amy Poehler's character is brilliant. Karen Smith is, as they say, my "spirit animal."

It's ironic to me that this is now my favorite movie when I first saw it at a rough and awkward time in my life. This post has probably been mostly a nice reflection for me instead of the tribute to "Mean Girls" it should be (but I hope it's both).

But happy 10 years, "Mean Girls." Thanks for all the laughs. Thanks for helping me get voted "most obnoxious" senior year with three of my friends because we constantly reenacted Cady and Aaron's scenes in math class. Thanks for allowing me to turn acquaintances into friends with a few quick quotes. Thank you for all the crazy mash-ups and fandom swaps that have kept the references even fresher. Thank you for making every October 3rd a holiday, and every Wednesday a fashion statement. Thank you for trying to make "fetch" happen (it's not gonna happen). And thank you for making me smile, from the first line ("This is your lunch, OK?") to the last ("Juuuuust kidding!").

Lost Girl season 4 finale recap: Fae-neral for a friend

I needed to do this. For catharsis. For sanity. For a way to wash my hands of how crazy this season has been!

Let's be honest. "Dark Horse" was not as big of a shit show as it could have been. But it was still kind of insane. Are you guys okay? Because if you are okay after Sunday, I'm sorry but we're going to go down the hole again.

So we started out with some good old-fashioned plot stuff and trouble in paradise with Bo and Rainer arguing about some shit.

Oh, Bo's dad! You are so crazy! Too bad we probably won't learn anything more about you except that you're fucking insane!

And then we saw some familiar stuff!

At the Dal, Rainer and Trick finally had a face-to-face for the first time since Trick put him on the crazy train!

Meanwhile, somewhere totally nondescript, Massimo was being weird as fuck and yammering on to Lauren about how he was gonna impress Mommy. 

At the Dal, we had more plot exposition. Bo has both Light Fae blood, "Mage blood," from her mom--allows her to drain life for nourishment and survival--and a darker blood from her dad that allows her to drain life from multiple sources and possibly give it back to someone. So, she's a hybrid Fae basically.

But then Massimo starts up and starts yammering again!!! 

He beats Trick and Bo up real bad and then he starts wailing on Rainer, who wants to fight and do something good with his last few moments on this plane of existence. And then he tells Bo to tell Tamsin that she can now take his soul home to Valhalla.

Massimo snaps his damn neck!!!

RIP Rainer, we hardly knew ye. 

Bo cried a bit about it before Tamsin yelled at her to get her Dark Queen ass in action. Tell her, Tam!

And they DID make out! Well, more like Bo took some Valkyrie juice. And then Dyson and Kenz showed up and Bo looked at her with such hurt in her eyes that it just killed me. 

Tamsin and Kenzi are reading over a book that the magical horse lady left behind. In it, it says that to close the portal, Bo's heart must be sacrificed! Kenz really takes these words to heart, so to speak. 

Bo rips up her Dark Fae contract and says she belongs to NO MAN! Then she laments Rainer a little more and Dyson very skillfully changes the subject and swears fealty to Bo in what I really think was one of the sweetest parts of the episode. Kris H-R is a great actor--and no matter what 'shipping side you are on, I do hope you realize how good of a dude Dyson is.

So, they show up to the portal and some extras from The Walking Dead are there hanging out. Bo gets hungry and decides to suck out their chi! And then, because DUH, she goes all Evil Queen and blabbery!

Luckily, Dyson's lips are there to stop her from breaking into a rendition of Run the World (Girls).

Meanwhile, the (human) Morrigan is trying to seduce Trick, who comes to some realization that he needs to go beat up the revenants. Okay, bud, do ya thang. 

Evony says "Bo-beque" and "grandslaughter" and picks a wedgie, so that's the only reason this scene needed to be that long. This show was RIFE with puns today.

Bo can feel her dad coming closer, so she asks Dyson to hold off the revenants with Tamsin (and keep Kenzi safe) while she goes to kill Massimo and save Dr. Hotpants. Dyson, being the angel puppy that he is, tells her to go get the girl and he will drop kick the zombies back into wherever they are from because I still didn't understand that whole portal thing. 

Bo goes to put on Lauren's necklace as Kenzi and Tamsin come in looking for her. Bo again gives her bestie a look that is really not okay because it is beautiful and poignant and so, so sad because Bo feels bad for all the hurt Kenzi has had to endure. 

Kenz gives her the sword from their house, and a big hug, which I think is basically a sign for "I forgive you." Hey, is someone cutting onions in here?

You guys! :( Poor Kenzi. Poor Bo. Poor everyone. 

And then this episode starts getting full of stuff! Bo, Lauren and Massimo spend like five hours bantering back and forth and spouting stupid puns while they kind of fight.

And then Evony shows up, and Bo makes her little mama's boy so mad!

Bo shows him how he can suck out his mom's life force--but unless he really loves her, he can't stop! And he won't stop!

So, after Massimo nearly kills Mama, Bo does a quick and simple chi suck and stuns him--but then uses the sword Kenzi gave her and KILLS HIM SO DEAD!!

RIP Massimo, you were a bastard!! 

Back at the portal, Kenzi has made up her mind. She knows what she has to do. If Bo's heart is the key to closing the portal, Kenzi is that heart. Kenzi must sacrifice herself for Bo.

Dyson is not happy.

But it cuts back to Lauren and Bo being all cutesy and spawning a million gifsets from Doccubus fans. Lauren says she isn't dark or light, she is Bo's--and stays to help the Morrigan while Bo goes to the battlefield.

On her way, Bo-Bo feels a twinge in her heart. And she knows what is happening.

Tamsin and Trick are still fighting valiantly as Dyson tries in vain to go into the portal himself. 

Kenzi reminds him that, though Bo loves Dyson and Lauren, Kenzi will always be her heart. And if Kenzi dies in battle, a warrior, Tamsin can take her to Valhalla and she will wait there for Bo to come find her. And maybe she'll get to see Hale again.

Bo arrives just in time to see her best friend disappear into the light of the portal after a long slow walk and piano music. :( Kenzi smiles as she meets Bo's eyes, as if to say...I'll see you later.

And it works. The portal closes, the revenants fall. Tamsin rushes to the little Russian's side and transports her to Valhalla.

...or so we think. Dyson somehow appears at a gate to Valhalla and finds Tamsin, who seems very afraid of what may happen to Kenzi. She begs him not to let Bo find the other hell shoe (helshoe??). She is basically terrified. Dyson takes her away, and it looks like the entrance to Valhalla is actually a very well-graffitied wall somewhere...

We see Bo and her yellow car pull up to the cemetery. She says in a voice-over that they buried Rainer by the battlefield where he served long ago. A man with a very shaky voice sang a lot. Bo laments that she has already lost so much...but she has to stay strong. 

Kenzi's gravestone reads "Friend. Warrior. Heart." Bo tells her that she misses her, she needs her courage. But she vows to keep fighting, that no one else will die on her watch. She will go wherever she needs to to bring her bestie back. She says that "them," whoever they are, are the ones who should be afraid. 

...and that's it, my friends. :( A roller coaster of a season. S5 hasn't been announced yet, but if it does, what do you think will happen? Are you over last week's episode yet? Are we all gonna be okay or not? :(