If given the opportunity, would I have been "Faking It?"

Like it is with many shows I watch these days, I first read about the MTV show "Faking It" on Tumblr (and saw a ton of .gifs). The premise made me raise an eyebrow. Two best friends fake being gay so that they become popular in their super-accepting Austin high school. Super-popular gay guy Shane (played by Michael Willett) mistakes them for lesbians and outs them, encouraging the whole student body to vote for them for Homecoming queens--so, they decide to go for it.

L to R: Amy, Shane, Karma.

Karma (played by Katie Stevens), is more concerned about her image and about landing a boyfriend (Liam, played by Gregg Sulkin) than her best friend Amy (played by Rita Volk). Also, by the end of the first episode, you get the impression that while Karma is going to fake it for popularity, Amy is most likely going to realize that she is hella gay.

Look at that look though

Of course, the show is not without its critics. I am not yet sure if I am one of these critics. I just know that, after watching the pilot, I have found myself coming back to the same question--would I have faked it in high school?

There is a quintessential (in my experience) rite of passage for queer folks--falling for someone who is just not into your gender. It hurts. Dear Lord, does it hurt. And for those of us who aren't in an accepting school like Amy and Karma are, it's tough to find someone to commiserate with about our straight-girl crushes. And probably even tougher to find someone to date.

Now, when I came out I absolutely had a crush on one of my best friends. We did end up dating two years later (great success!) for a little while until it just didn't work out and my heart got broken (nooooo!). But for all I knew my freshman year, she was a total straight-girl crush. I also had a bit of a thing for this really pretty and popular volleyball player who sat behind me in math class. Ask me about the one time I tried to "anonymously" ask if she was gay. It was a disaster.

But I digress. If little old me had, my freshman year, been given the opportunity to date one of these girls and become popular, knowing they were not going to reciprocate my growing feelings, would I have taken that opportunity?

L to R: Liam, Karma, Amy

Damn, man, I just don't know. 

On one hand: popularity, sweet lady kisses, holding hands with a cute girl who I like. 

On the other hand: unrequited feelings, lying to the whole school, pain and suffering, watching your crush pine after a boy. Undoubtedly, high school me and Amy would just have our feelings grow and our hearts slowly and painfully begin to break after having so much of a good thing but knowing it isn't real.

And I think a lot of queer women (and men, and non-binary folks) have had that undesirable crush, that person who, every minute you spend with them, you feel at once elated and torn up. Elated to be in their presence and be hanging out with them. Torn up because you have feelings for them, and those feelings will probably never going to be reality. So, would I take the route of faking it?? Damn. I don't know. Probably, because the ride up would have been so awesome until my heart broke and I went plummeting into a sea of lesbian despair. 

This is probably the main reason I will hesitate to watch "Faking It." It may kill me. Because I've been there and it still hurts, six years out of high school. 

You guys, I act tough sometimes but I am fairly certain that Amy's inevitable fall for Karma will pierce through me like the blade of a Japanese demon firefly thing (y'all knew I had to bring that up--MTV, if you're listening, I AM STILL NOT OKAY WITH THAT). 

The premise is, certainly, interesting. How many shows do you see when the characters choose to be gay? You can't even choose to be gay in real life! The setting, even though it feels a little fake, is humorous. And I think the show overall, with its pop culture references and some of its stereotypical characters, is meant to be humorous while also meaning to deal with sexuality and the delicate balance of finding popularity and finding yourself. 

There is always a fight for minority representation on television, and I am always interested in a show about queer women (or, in this case, maybe just one woman). 2013 was a good year for LGBT media, and I say that knowing that there are shows and games and movies and books I haven't even experienced myself. Just off the top of my head, I can list "Orphan Black," "Lost Girl," "Orange Is the New Black," and then the video games "Gone Home" and "The Last of Us" as things I have seen with gay female relationships. "Teen Wolf" also had a short storyline about a gay couple. No offense to the guys on TV shows and in movies, but I just feel more drawn to gay female story lines. So, though there are things for me to watch with women like me, I still feel drawn to invest my time in "Faking It."

I'm only one episode in, and it was like 23 minutes long, so I can't write the show off or give it praise quite yet. Will I subject myself to torture for the next nine episodes? Can I handle it? Will it be worth suffering through? Will any of us be okay ever again? Should television be illegal? Did the second-to-last episode of "Teen Wolf" even happen (MTV, again, if you're reading this I'm mad and you should let Jeff Davis know)?

I guess time will tell--both if Amy is going to fall in love with her best friend, and if I am emotionally stable enough to watch this television show. Trust me, if I'm curled up in a ball in a few weeks muttering something about high school and straight girls and crushes...I won't be faking it.