And if you ask me what my favorite movie is, I will emphatically tell you it's "Mean Girls." No actors in it that I particularly fawn over, no great messages that hit me in the heart every time. It's just a damn funny film, and practically every line is quotable.
I came out as a lesbian the spring of my freshman year of high school--well, it started off as a tentative out of the closet, but the big yellow school bus of my own poor judgment hit me and I went flying out as one of if not the only openly gay kid in a Catholic high school of about 700 in Cincinnati in 2005. There was this girl who sat behind me in math class, very beautiful, very sweet, and I was pretty sure I had a crush on her. So, I wrote her an "anonymous" note from a "friend of a friend" asking if she was gay, and I gave it to her. Isn't that a terrible idea? Between sixth and seventh period, practically the whole freshman class knew I liked this girl. Again, big yellow school bus. Too bad I hadn't seen "Mean Girls" and learned how treacherous things like anonymous written confessions could be. But I was confused, and depressed, and had no one to talk to--and my reputation and a few friendships took a hit.
In grade school, I had six very close friends--when we went to high school, three went to my school and three to one of the other Catholic schools, an all-girls' school. The spring after freshman year, we all got together for a sleepover. I hadn't seen a few of them in a while. This was after I came out, so I told all of them individually before we got together. Most of them seemed totally okay with it. But I was still nervous. I mean, they can't just invite a lesbian to their sleepover party. I mean, right? I was a lesbian!
I don't remember the whole sleepover. But I do remember when the elephant in the room finally got too big to ignore, and the questions started. They're questions that I think all queer people get eventually. How do you know? Have you ever kissed a girl? Do you just, like, look at girls and tell that they're hot? Who do you have a crush on (implied: do you have a crush on one of us?)
Well, I didn't know how to answer that. So I dodged awkwardly, probably mumbled some stuff that placated the questions. I don't think they meant anything mean. I don't think any of them ever loved me any less. But they didn't understand me. And I didn't understand myself enough to help them understand me. And some of them probably thought I had a (big, lesbian) crush on them. And we were all 14 years old, six of seven were Catholic, the other Lutheran. Homosexuality wasn't something we understood. It felt like six against one, a bit.
I think, right after that, was when we crowded around to watch "Mean Girls" on someone's portable DVD player. I had never seen it. And it was, understandably, very awkward to watch. The opening scene of the movie contains a young boy talking about hunting homosexuals with a rifle (we're easier to stop point-blank; use a shotgun). Half of the punchlines about Damian revolve around him being "too gay to function." And Regina's whole thing about Janis being a lesbian...well. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or shrivel up in a ball.
I made it through that. And I made it through high school. And somewhere between 2005 and now, I have seen the movie more than any other in my young life (maybe--I did love "Bambi" as a toddler). And quoted it more than anything else, I am sure. And, as I said, it's not really any great moral triumph. People are assholes to each other all movie, and one girl being the scapegoat seems to be the solution...? Okay, there are some lessons to be learned about honesty, and image, and being true to yourself. But really, I love this movie for the comedy. Tina Fey is a gold mine. Amy Poehler's character is brilliant. Karen Smith is, as they say, my "spirit animal."
It's ironic to me that this is now my favorite movie when I first saw it at a rough and awkward time in my life. This post has probably been mostly a nice reflection for me instead of the tribute to "Mean Girls" it should be (but I hope it's both).
But happy 10 years, "Mean Girls." Thanks for all the laughs. Thanks for helping me get voted "most obnoxious" senior year with three of my friends because we constantly reenacted Cady and Aaron's scenes in math class. Thanks for allowing me to turn acquaintances into friends with a few quick quotes. Thank you for all the crazy mash-ups and fandom swaps that have kept the references even fresher. Thank you for making every October 3rd a holiday, and every Wednesday a fashion statement. Thank you for trying to make "fetch" happen (it's not gonna happen). And thank you for making me smile, from the first line ("This is your lunch, OK?") to the last ("Juuuuust kidding!").
No comments:
Post a Comment