FML. Now if I get drafted, I won't have an excuse to stay out of war!
I'm just joking. of course. I couldn't help but to be a little skeptical when it was announced that Don't Ask Don't Tell would be repealed. But it looks like we have finally done it. Finally, gays and lesbians will be allowed to serve for their country and protect the very freedoms that they have been denied.
Let's hope that there's not another 15-year wait before we can all get married, eh?
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Wait...Dumbledore dies?
Mmm, spoilers. I saw Harry Potter last night, decked out in my best impersonation of a Slytherin student, and it was pretty damn good. There were only a few things that were left out, and also were a few things added in that made me question the future of humanity. Just kidding. But it was weird.
A quick rundown:
Nagini is terrifying.
Harry has some hideous sweaters.
Hermione is bad at haircuts.
The Horcrux turns people into the same level of bitch as the One Ring.
It is possible to stand on train tracks and stop the Hogwarts Express.
Hedwig is ferocious.
Following balls of light around, whether they be in your chest or hovering over a frozen lake with a sword in it, is a great idea.
Werewolves love perfume.
Magic is might. Also, England prevails and Big Brother is watching you. STRENGTH THROUGH UNITY, UNITY THROUGH FAITH.
A quick rundown:
Nagini is terrifying.
Harry has some hideous sweaters.
Hermione is bad at haircuts.
The Horcrux turns people into the same level of bitch as the One Ring.
It is possible to stand on train tracks and stop the Hogwarts Express.
Hedwig is ferocious.
Following balls of light around, whether they be in your chest or hovering over a frozen lake with a sword in it, is a great idea.
Werewolves love perfume.
Magic is might. Also, England prevails and Big Brother is watching you. STRENGTH THROUGH UNITY, UNITY THROUGH FAITH.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Cancer Sticks: A Modest Proposal
Since we were little kids, we’ve been taught about the dangers of smoking. It causes a host of diseases. It puts disgusting chemicals and shit into your body. It’s a big ol’ addictive drug. It can make your baby a demon child if you smoke while pregnant. It pisses people off.
And onnn and onnnn and onnnn.
Now, I don’t smoke. I used to back in high school, but then soccer season started back up and I decided to quit because smoking made me run slower than I already did. If I ever smoke anymore, it is an extremely rare occasion brought on by stress and/or the temptation to have one while out at a party. But I know plenty of people who do smoke on a regular basis. And many folks here at school seem to be getting really upset about the proposed ban on smoking. So never fear, fellow Bishops, because I have some great alternative ideas to keep this campus hazy with clouds of nicotine.
The most obvious solution to the prevalence of smoking on campus is to take the nicotine out of the cigarettes and put some weed in there instead. I can swear to you that I have never been high before, but I have encountered people in various stages of being blazed and can tell you they are very peaceful people. Marijuana has not been found to cause cancer, so if you are one of those “DON’T SMOKE BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT CANCER” people, you would have nothing to argue about. And besides, maybe all the secondhand smoke from pot would act as a chill pill to all those bitching about secondhand smoke from cigarettes. Everybody wins.
Also, as if cigarette sales didn’t already boost the economy, can you imagine what the sale of marijuana instead of cigarettes would do? Taco Bell and Doritos would have profits through the roof. Doctors’ offices could stand to make a lot more money because everyone would want a prescription for some medical dope. The music industry would flourish because who doesn’t love stoners writing songs? Look at John Mayer.
The tobacco industry funnels a lot of money into the economy…money you would have to pay yourself if we didn’t have smokers around. Think about that.
But maybe you don’t want to take this route. That’s fine. There are other ways to combat smoking here on campus and around the country.
One argument that I hear a lot is that smoking gives you yellow teeth and stains your clothes. Okay, great. I don’t know why this is an argument unless you are telling smokers you don’t want to see their yellow teeth and yellow clothes. That’s not having a solid argument, that’s being a bitch. But at any rate, if you hate seeing people smoke cigarettes and hate breathing in their smoke, just get a paper bag and wear it around over your head. Write nice things on it about how you don’t like smoke and how you don’t want to be a servant of the tobacco industry’s evil marketing techniques. You won’t have to see them or breathe in their smoke…how cool is that?
Another idea: There’s a reason evil guys and sexy women in movies all smoke. Because it looks badass. So, make being a non-smoker look cooler. Do you think Spike from Buffy would have half the sex appeal if he wasn’t a smoker? Can you picture Popeye without a pipe hanging out of his mouth? How would Albert Einstein look without his pipe, or FDR without his weird-looking cigarette thing? Not as cool. How about James Dean? Marilyn Monroe? Frank Sinatra? Sophia Loren? Che Guevara? Like it or not, it’s kind of cool to see people whip out a lighter and elegantly light one up. Particularly if they are well-dressed…or sitting on the front steps of a SLU.
So give me some glamour, antismokers. Make yourselves look cooler instead of giving smokers dirty looks when they pass you by. Rude. One might think that smokers are going to poison all our children and give us all emphysema—they’re like the lepers you don’t want to be around for fear of catching their diseases. Anti-smoking sentiment has barred smokers from restaurants, public places, and now universities? They’re being forced to hide in a closet like a bunch of gays (who, incidentally, have a very high rate of smoking). Where do gays go when they’re forced to hide? The government or the priesthood. Where are smokers going to go if we ban them on campus? Probably back indoors, where they can spread cancer in a much more confined area.
So cut smokers a break. Odds are, they won’t be around much longer anyhow.
And onnn and onnnn and onnnn.
Now, I don’t smoke. I used to back in high school, but then soccer season started back up and I decided to quit because smoking made me run slower than I already did. If I ever smoke anymore, it is an extremely rare occasion brought on by stress and/or the temptation to have one while out at a party. But I know plenty of people who do smoke on a regular basis. And many folks here at school seem to be getting really upset about the proposed ban on smoking. So never fear, fellow Bishops, because I have some great alternative ideas to keep this campus hazy with clouds of nicotine.
The most obvious solution to the prevalence of smoking on campus is to take the nicotine out of the cigarettes and put some weed in there instead. I can swear to you that I have never been high before, but I have encountered people in various stages of being blazed and can tell you they are very peaceful people. Marijuana has not been found to cause cancer, so if you are one of those “DON’T SMOKE BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT CANCER” people, you would have nothing to argue about. And besides, maybe all the secondhand smoke from pot would act as a chill pill to all those bitching about secondhand smoke from cigarettes. Everybody wins.
Also, as if cigarette sales didn’t already boost the economy, can you imagine what the sale of marijuana instead of cigarettes would do? Taco Bell and Doritos would have profits through the roof. Doctors’ offices could stand to make a lot more money because everyone would want a prescription for some medical dope. The music industry would flourish because who doesn’t love stoners writing songs? Look at John Mayer.
The tobacco industry funnels a lot of money into the economy…money you would have to pay yourself if we didn’t have smokers around. Think about that.
But maybe you don’t want to take this route. That’s fine. There are other ways to combat smoking here on campus and around the country.
One argument that I hear a lot is that smoking gives you yellow teeth and stains your clothes. Okay, great. I don’t know why this is an argument unless you are telling smokers you don’t want to see their yellow teeth and yellow clothes. That’s not having a solid argument, that’s being a bitch. But at any rate, if you hate seeing people smoke cigarettes and hate breathing in their smoke, just get a paper bag and wear it around over your head. Write nice things on it about how you don’t like smoke and how you don’t want to be a servant of the tobacco industry’s evil marketing techniques. You won’t have to see them or breathe in their smoke…how cool is that?
Another idea: There’s a reason evil guys and sexy women in movies all smoke. Because it looks badass. So, make being a non-smoker look cooler. Do you think Spike from Buffy would have half the sex appeal if he wasn’t a smoker? Can you picture Popeye without a pipe hanging out of his mouth? How would Albert Einstein look without his pipe, or FDR without his weird-looking cigarette thing? Not as cool. How about James Dean? Marilyn Monroe? Frank Sinatra? Sophia Loren? Che Guevara? Like it or not, it’s kind of cool to see people whip out a lighter and elegantly light one up. Particularly if they are well-dressed…or sitting on the front steps of a SLU.
So give me some glamour, antismokers. Make yourselves look cooler instead of giving smokers dirty looks when they pass you by. Rude. One might think that smokers are going to poison all our children and give us all emphysema—they’re like the lepers you don’t want to be around for fear of catching their diseases. Anti-smoking sentiment has barred smokers from restaurants, public places, and now universities? They’re being forced to hide in a closet like a bunch of gays (who, incidentally, have a very high rate of smoking). Where do gays go when they’re forced to hide? The government or the priesthood. Where are smokers going to go if we ban them on campus? Probably back indoors, where they can spread cancer in a much more confined area.
So cut smokers a break. Odds are, they won’t be around much longer anyhow.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Boehner/Boner Puns
They're bound to be running rampant since Ohio's own fake baked House representative is now Speaker of the House. Here are a few t-shirt slogans to get you started.
...and how DO you pronounce it?
Boehner is a Dick
Boehner: Nice guy, but he seems a bit stiff.
Don't think with your Boehner.
Get your Boehner out of my House.
Your Boehner does not excite me.
Is that a Boehner, or are you just hard for Republicans?
Electile Dysfunction
Your Boehner Needs More Viagra.
Pop a Boehner
I get a Boehner for politics
...and how DO you pronounce it?
Boehner is a Dick
Boehner: Nice guy, but he seems a bit stiff.
Don't think with your Boehner.
Get your Boehner out of my House.
Your Boehner does not excite me.
Is that a Boehner, or are you just hard for Republicans?
Electile Dysfunction
Your Boehner Needs More Viagra.
Pop a Boehner
I get a Boehner for politics
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Tuesday
Hello blogosphere. I know it's been a while...but I just wanted to make a quick post and ensure everyone is going to vote or has already voted. No matter your political standpoint, it is SO important that everyone gets out there and casts a ballot. So please...vote. It's so important that you do.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
80th birthdays and fondue pots
Drunk relatives from out of state. Talking Glee and football with my uncle. Grandma's boyfriend from Denmark and his native birthday songs. Flank steak. Fondue. My girlfriend sleeping on the couch as my father carefully builds a cave of pillows around her. One brother with his pants too high, the other pulling out a comb to fix his hair all the time.
Yep, it's good to be home for a bit. Strange how much catching up you have to do after years of not seeing uncles, aunts and family friends. Strange how little time it takes to catch up.
I love catered food.
And fondue.
Hope all went well at the tailgate and first night game tonight, my Bishops back at OWU.
I miss my cat.
Yep, it's good to be home for a bit. Strange how much catching up you have to do after years of not seeing uncles, aunts and family friends. Strange how little time it takes to catch up.
I love catered food.
And fondue.
Hope all went well at the tailgate and first night game tonight, my Bishops back at OWU.
I miss my cat.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
An open letter to Senator John McCain, R-Ariz.
Mr. McCain:
I feel like I should just call you “John” because we have some level of familiarity. I left you a nice message last week on Constitution Day. Did you listen to it? Have you read my tweets?
And after all, you’ve been to the place I call home. You were the fellow who spoke at our commencement this past year here at Ohio Wesleyan. It was a nice speech, very empowering. As a matter of fact, you quoted Winston Churchill when you said “defeat is never fatal. Victory is never final. It’s courage that counts.”
So given your recent threat to filibuster during the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” hearings on the Senate floor and the overwhelmingly Republican vote Tuesday to block discussion of DADT repeal, I wonder. Is the defeat for gay rights advocates everywhere fatal? Is your victory final? And whose courage counted?
I am also wondering why a war veteran and distinguished politician and community service advocate such as yourself would balk in front of reporters after the Senate hearings. Two of them were from The Advocate and Metro Weekly, two of the LGBT community’s prime news sources. They confronted you and you shied away.
How could you sit in front of reporters and claim the military does not actively seek to find out someone’s sexual orientation? How could you claim private e-mails of military members have never been searched? “Bring them to our office,” you said. “It is not the policy, it is not the policy, it is not the policy.”
It may not be the written policy, Senator, but you know it’s true. You’ve heard of Major Mike Almy, a 13-year veteran of the Air Force, who was relieved of his duties after a routine search of computer files uncovered emails to his same-sex partner. Almy explained what happened in a testimony before the Senate Armed Services committee…your own committee! So how can you sit there and lie?
Furthermore, how can you defend such a discriminatory policy? Even if you are waiting for the survey from the Pentagon about the opinion of service members on the repeal, you should know. You should understand and you should be able to tell that this policy never should have been implemented in the first place. Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, says it’s ridiculous. Barack Obama wants to repeal it. Defense secretary Robert Gates thinks it’s outdated. The House of Representatives voted it unconstitutional. What other evidence do you need? Why are you playing politics with people’s lives?
I find it hard to imagine that if a gay soldier had saved your life in Vietnam, you would have denied him and waited for the next straight guy to come along. I also find it hard to imagine that the 13,000 LGBT soldiers who have been “honorably” discharged since 1993 really had a negative effect on their companies. I’m sure they didn’t enlist to get some action (and I don’t mean on the battlefield). Is that why you enlisted?
For the life of me, I can’t even imagine why LGBT people would want to serve in the first place. Why would someone enlist in the military knowing this policy is in place, knowing their rights will be surrendered and their personal lives destroyed if someone finds out, knowing they will be kicked out and their pay cut?
Maybe because, for some unknown reason, they love the country that denies them their basic rights. Maybe because they want to serve and fight and protect the freedoms they hope they have some day. Maybe because they bleed red just like everyone else.
Maybe we should fight homophobia instead of homosexuals.
You could help if you stopped hiding behind your lies and whatever principles you are trying to uphold here. Look beyond what your party wants and start supporting what’s right.
Sincerely,
Michelle Rotuno-Johnson
I feel like I should just call you “John” because we have some level of familiarity. I left you a nice message last week on Constitution Day. Did you listen to it? Have you read my tweets?
And after all, you’ve been to the place I call home. You were the fellow who spoke at our commencement this past year here at Ohio Wesleyan. It was a nice speech, very empowering. As a matter of fact, you quoted Winston Churchill when you said “defeat is never fatal. Victory is never final. It’s courage that counts.”
So given your recent threat to filibuster during the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” hearings on the Senate floor and the overwhelmingly Republican vote Tuesday to block discussion of DADT repeal, I wonder. Is the defeat for gay rights advocates everywhere fatal? Is your victory final? And whose courage counted?
I am also wondering why a war veteran and distinguished politician and community service advocate such as yourself would balk in front of reporters after the Senate hearings. Two of them were from The Advocate and Metro Weekly, two of the LGBT community’s prime news sources. They confronted you and you shied away.
How could you sit in front of reporters and claim the military does not actively seek to find out someone’s sexual orientation? How could you claim private e-mails of military members have never been searched? “Bring them to our office,” you said. “It is not the policy, it is not the policy, it is not the policy.”
It may not be the written policy, Senator, but you know it’s true. You’ve heard of Major Mike Almy, a 13-year veteran of the Air Force, who was relieved of his duties after a routine search of computer files uncovered emails to his same-sex partner. Almy explained what happened in a testimony before the Senate Armed Services committee…your own committee! So how can you sit there and lie?
Furthermore, how can you defend such a discriminatory policy? Even if you are waiting for the survey from the Pentagon about the opinion of service members on the repeal, you should know. You should understand and you should be able to tell that this policy never should have been implemented in the first place. Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, says it’s ridiculous. Barack Obama wants to repeal it. Defense secretary Robert Gates thinks it’s outdated. The House of Representatives voted it unconstitutional. What other evidence do you need? Why are you playing politics with people’s lives?
I find it hard to imagine that if a gay soldier had saved your life in Vietnam, you would have denied him and waited for the next straight guy to come along. I also find it hard to imagine that the 13,000 LGBT soldiers who have been “honorably” discharged since 1993 really had a negative effect on their companies. I’m sure they didn’t enlist to get some action (and I don’t mean on the battlefield). Is that why you enlisted?
For the life of me, I can’t even imagine why LGBT people would want to serve in the first place. Why would someone enlist in the military knowing this policy is in place, knowing their rights will be surrendered and their personal lives destroyed if someone finds out, knowing they will be kicked out and their pay cut?
Maybe because, for some unknown reason, they love the country that denies them their basic rights. Maybe because they want to serve and fight and protect the freedoms they hope they have some day. Maybe because they bleed red just like everyone else.
Maybe we should fight homophobia instead of homosexuals.
You could help if you stopped hiding behind your lies and whatever principles you are trying to uphold here. Look beyond what your party wants and start supporting what’s right.
Sincerely,
Michelle Rotuno-Johnson
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