23 things to do instead of writing dumb shit on the Internet

Recently I read some drivel that I would like to publicly decry because this is the Internet and anyone who has a fucking opinion can post about it and try to get their friends to read it.

The young woman in question seems to be leaning towards two dangerous mindsets in her blog "23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23." Here they are.

1. Young marriages are doomed to fail, or are something to make fun of because of the teen pregnancy rate
2. Something may be wrong with me because I don't have a boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. yet and everyone else is getting married and I am sitting here blogging

My face when I read it was like Effie's in "Catching Fire" when she knew she was sending two innocent kids to their death. It was full of pain and rage. Here it is. I don't really look like this.

I get it. I do. For full disclosure in case you don't know me, I am engaged. I got engaged at the ripe young age of 21. So yeah, of course I'm on the inside looking out of this debate. But excuse the fuck out of me, did I make you feel bad because I happen to be well pleased with my life? Is the blogger "Wander Onwards" just an incarnation of Taylor Swift's dark magick, doomed to wander alone or at least lament the loss of her ex-lovers? Is there a hit single coming on?

Some of y'all may have already tuned me out, which is fine, but for the rest of you rolling your eyes at this girl's suggestions to eat fucking jars of Nutella and start a damn small business and go on world tours by yourself to grow as a person instead of getting married, let's look at a bit of this.

"It (marriage) is a way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce.

Which could be tomorrow, because the LGTBQ community isn’t ruining the sanctity of marriage, the Kardashian family is.

If your love is truly eternal, what’s the rush? If it’s real, that person will continue to be committed to you 2 months from now, 2 years from now, and 2 decades from now. Grow, learn, travel, party, cuddle, read, explore. Do. Freaking. Something… other than “settle down” at 23 with a white picket fence."

Y'all hear that? Those of us who have been engaged before 23 are stunted human beings. We are losing out on life's experiences. We need a crutch.

Now, my partner and I don't have a white picket fence. We don't even have a fence. We live in a cheap-ass apartment in central Ohio with more cats than figures in our combined income. We are certainly not traveling in China like the aforementioned blogger because we are busy being poor and happy and not doing hipster shit. We have been together almost six years--for those keeping tally, we started dating when she was 16 and I was 17. How young is that? Super young. I know it. And I'm sorry if I'm making people jealous but shouldn't I be happy if I've found something that I fully believe is going to work? Shouldn't I want to shout it out to everyone and show how much I love her? Isn't that a good thing, to show your loved ones you appreciate them?

Here's the thing, all we really should strive to do in this life is be happy. If you're happy complaining on Facebook that everyone is having kids and getting married but you, go for it. See what that does for you in the long run.  If you're happy going on a different date every night of the week, props to you. If you're in a marriage, even if it doesn't last long, fucking go for it if you're happy. Stay home all day if you need that to be happy. Just do what you want.

Above all, stop reading blogs. It's a waste of time because none of us know what we're talking about. I'm not even writing a list of 23 things for you to do because you know yourself better than I do and you know how to make yourself happy and you will figure out life on your own time. No one on the Internet is better than anyone else, we're all a bunch of idiots with amazing privilege. Some of us get lucky early and some of us have to struggle through for a little while. Let's take care of each other, and one another, and enjoy the time we have on this spinning ball of elements and shit.

Take it easy, you guys.