I made a mashup!

Since Chris Brown and Miranda Lambert have been fighting...well, I thought it would be fun to mash Miranda's revenge anthem "Gunpowder and Lead" with the new CB/Rihanna song "Birthday Cake."

Presenting...GUNPOWDER AND BIRTHDAY CAKE

cake cake cake cake cake

Just heard Rihanna's song "Birthday Cake" with Chris Brown.


Oh.


Okay.


Let's pause for a moment and remember when he beat her face in.

Either she's an idiot or she is capable of forgiveness and belief in the goodness of humanity in quantities I am not capable of.

Also, the song...wow. I'm never going to be able to eat birthday cake again.

"Brown was driving a vehicle with Robyn F. as the front passenger on an unknown street in Los Angeles. Robyn F. picked up Brown's cellular phone and observed a three-page text message from a woman who Brown had a previous sexual relationship with.

"A verbal argument ensued and Brown pulled the vehicle over on an unknown street, reached over Robyn F. with his right hand, opened the car door and attempted to force her out. Brown was unable to force Robyn F. out of the vehicle because she was wearing a seat belt. When he could not force her to exit, he took his right hand and shoved her head against he passenger window of the vehicle, causing an approximate one-inch raised circular contusion.

"Robyn F. turned to face Brown and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. The assault caused Robyn F.'s mouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle.

"Brown looked at Robyn F. and stated, 'I'm going to beat the sh-- out of you when we get home! You wait and see!' "

The detective said "Robyn F." then used her cell phone to call her personal assistant Jennifer Rosales, who did not answer.

"Robyn F. pretended to talk to her and stated, 'I'm on my way home. Make sure the police are there when I get there.'

"After Robyn F. faked the call, Brown looked at her and stated, 'You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I'm really going to kill you!'

"Brown resumed punching Robyn F. and she interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face. She then bent over at the waist, placing her elbows and face near her lap in [an] attempt to protect her face and head from the barrage of punches being levied upon her by Brown.

"Brown continued to punch Robyn F. on her left arm and hand, causing her to suffer a contusion on her left triceps (sic) that was approximately two inches in diameter and numerous contusions on her left hand.

"Robyn F. then attempted to send a text message to her other personal assistant, Melissa Ford. Brown snatched the cellular telephone out of her hand and threw it out of the window onto an unknown street.

"Brown continued driving and Robyn F. observed his cellular telephone sitting in his lap. She picked up the cellular telephone with her left hand and before she could make a call he placed her in a head lock with his right hand and continued to drive the vehicle with his left hand.

"Brown pulled Robyn F. close to him and bit her on her left ear. She was able to feel the vehicle swerving from right to left as Brown sped away. He stopped the vehicle in front of 333 North June Street and Robyn F. turned off the car, removed the key from the ignition and sat on it.

"Brown did not know what she did with the key and began punching her in the face and arms. He then placed her in a head lock positioning the front of her throat between his bicep and forearm. Brown began applying pressure to Robyn F.'s left and right carotid arteries, causing her to be unable to breathe and she began to lose consciousness.

"She reached up with her left hand and began attempting to gouge his eyes in an attempt to free herself. Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and then released her. While Brown continued to punch her, she turned around and placed her back against the passenger door. She brought her knees to her chest, placed her feet against Brown's body and began pushing him away. Brown continued to punch her on the legs and feet, causing several contusions.

"Robyn F. began screaming for help and Brown exited the vehicle and walked away. A resident in the neighborhood heard Robyn F.'s plea for help and called 911, causing a police response. An investigation was conducted and Robyn F. was issued a Domestic Violence Emergency Protective Order."

'Discrimination,' through the eyes of a gay country music fan

Well, I'm pretty sure my opinions about the Grammys were rather clear from my tweets last Sunday. :) But one thing still has me thinking -- and that is an interesting seat placement.

My celebrity idol (putting it mildly), Miranda Lambert, and her husband Blake Shelton were seated next to none other than Lady Gaga for last Sunday's event (photo from Daily Mail website). Naturally, since Ran and Blake are from the South, I assume they are more conservative than our NYC-born and raised Lady Gaga. Plus, many of Miranda's songs seem to have to do with guns, revenge and drinking, and she loves going hunting. Her logo (which I have a tattoo of) has guns on it. And Blake certainly touts his Hillbilly Bone and hunting license with pride. Ran doesn't like to talk politics, but I think I know where she stands. Gaga, on the other hand, seems to me to be on the left-wing side of things (and she'd rather wear animals than eat them).

 

Now, as a member of the LGBTIQA community, I treat every new person I meet with a little bit of caution. Being an open advocate for gay rights can get you funny looks at best and beaten to death at worst. And traditionally in my life, I have encountered the most opposition from Christian conservatives -- yeah, people like my favorite singer and her husband.

Admittedly, Ran has opened up a few doors when it comes to lyrics. The first track off of her newest album Four the Record is called "All Kinds of Kinds." It doesn't quite endorse gay marriage, but when you're singing about a cross-dressing senator and two circus performers getting married, it looks like you're asking the world not to be so judgmental. And the tag line is "ever since the beginning / to keep the world spinning, it takes all kinds of kinds." She's discussed how her views on people have changed since the album came out, and considering that one of her close friends is a pretty big lesbo...well. I'm proud to say we may have an ally in this country girl.

I don't know enough about Blake to make judgments. But it just seemed to be that this may be an awkward evening for two very different parties... but I was pretty wrong, as is evident from the photo and some of Miranda's Tweets. Looks like I was the one discriminating here, thinking that a conservative couple would have nothing in common with a liberal lady, that the air would even be a bit sour. Nope, there I go again, thinking all conservatives hate gay people, or Lady Gaga, or vegan cooking, or whatever else they talked about. They probably didn't discuss politics, but it sure looks like everything was fine and dandy and not awkward.

Brandy McDonnell has summed up Ran's opinions about Gaga and about Chris Brown nicely, (and over here on CBS  you can see her spat with Breezey in full glory, that's for another day). But my overall theme here is that this past week, I've been thinking about some habits that I've developed since the whole Coming Out of the Closet Scandal of 2005.

I think a lot of us in the minority community expect judgment -- we expect it because we're used to it, and because we want to be prepared to defend ourselves. When a guy with a southern accent and an I Love Jesus hat walks into my restaurant, you bet your ass that all my red flags are going up. Because my life has taught me that "those people" don't like me or the rest of "my people."

But the world is changing. Slowly, but it's getting better. And if myself or anyone in a minority community is expecting discrimination from someone based on their own looks, sexual preference or religion...isn't that reverse discrimination? Isn't that just as bad, to turn ourselves off from people and assume they won't get along with us? To prepare the victim card in case a stranger gives us a funny look? I'm not talking about people who have blatantly stated their views, like politicians. I'm talking about everyday people, or even celebrities, that we don't know enough about to pass judgment on.

I think it's something we need to think about. Because I, for one, don't think all black people are on drugs or going to steal from me. I know people from the Middle East aren't going to blow me up. I know people here illegally who I will not sell out to the government. But how many people have looked at me, a white Christian woman, and thought that I was passing judgment on them because of my (mostly) majority status?

It's a vicious cycle, borne no doubt out of fear and ignorance. But maybe we can find a little peace in our own hearts by thinking differently about our neighbors, no matter who they may be. Or about people we see on the news, on the stage, in the paper.

For me, I think I'll start with my favorite singer.

I'M SEXY AND...

While I do appreciate the Spanish tinge in LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It" from this week's episode of Glee, I was definitely put off by Ricky's translation of the lyrics in the title.
So, for all of you put off by the translation, let me say. "Soy sexy y lo sabes," as Ricky sang, is actually "I'm sexy and YOU know it." "Soy sexy y lo se" would be "I'm sexy and I know it."
An interesting twist, since Martin's character was supposed to be so much better at Spanish than Morrison's.
CHEW ON THAT, CABRONES.