Freedom to lead

Five years ago I was at a conference in Washington for students interested in working towards peace in Darfur. It was then I first learned about Aung San Suu Kyi, the Nobel Peace Price-winning leader from Burma (Myanmar). I was inspired by her work to get her people out from under the heel of an oppressive military regime--millions of people displaced, ethnic oppression and intimidation, forced labor, sexual violence, etc.

A few days after the conference (2010), she was released from 15 years under house arrest for her work to bring democracy to the country.

A little over three years ago, I drove to Indiana to hear her speak and sat with hundreds of people from her home country who view her as a hero (as I do).

And in the past few days, Myanmar held elections, seen as the most democratic in 25 years.

Tonight, the AP reports that Daw Suu Kyi has won her seat in Parliament--note that she is not allowed to be president because the military specifically wrote a law to block her from the position. However, her party is expected to win most of the seats in the government.

This is a HUMONGOUS step for Burma and also a test for this new government, as hundreds of thousands of Rohingya Muslims are still persecuted in the largely Buddhist country (and have been blocked from voting).

I am incredibly happy to see the beginnings of change (assuming, of course, the military steps down and allows new leadership). I am also hopeful that the new government is representative of all people in Burma.

You are Cait. I am confused by your comments.

Dear Caitlyn:

Hi.

A very belated welcome to "the family," as I like to refer to other LGBTIQA folks. I can already tell that the conversation about transgender people is shifting because someone so famous is speaking out about her experience and her life.

I know you know all about family. You're part of a famous one! And even before Kris came along, you were in the public eye--girl, you've got an Olympic medal. You've been on a box of Wheaties. And now you are a public figure who has gone under an extraordinary and very brave transformation. It has warmed my heart to see how your children, your mom, your ex-wife and many others have supported and embraced you. Family can make or break you, as I'm sure you know.

Here's the thing about your new family.

There are a lot of us, first of all. Many may still be living in the closet for fear of rejection, persecution, or any other unpleasant thing that ends in -ion (execution comes to mind but I'm trying to keep this light).

Second of all, we don't always know what everyone else is going through. I don't know anything firsthand about transitioning. I try to learn, and I try to understand, and I try to advocate for the trans folks in my life and out there in the world.

I was a bit confused when you told Ellen your stance on gay marriage. It seems like you're...ah, I don't know, a bit lukewarm on gay marriage still?

CREDIT: The Ellen Show

You asked Ellen if the word "marriage" was the important thing. ...well, yeah, of course it is. We want the same rights as everyone else. I want to say I'm married to someone one day, not that I am legally bound by a court to share the same taxes.

I was also a bit baffled about your comments to Matt Lauer about that Halloween costume of you.

CREDIT: BizPac Review

It's pissed a lot of people off in the LGBT community--perhaps the same way that costumes of certain ethnicities do. Trans people aren't a costume, they say, and far too many people have been tortured and murdered for this to be even remotely acceptable. Far too many men are going to take that costume of you and make horribly transphobic comments.

You also chatted with Matt and assured him it was all right if he accidentally said something offensive--and you hinted that you're a little more chill than those activist folks out there.

So.

I don't think I'm the only one who is a bit confused. Up until now, you have enjoyed a very warm welcome from the LGBT fam. But some of us are indignant. In your TV show "I am Cait," you are able to control the narrative a bit more, but not necessarily in interviews.

And what I think has become clear is that you haven't spent enough time with the rest of the LGBT community or--dare I say it--your struggles have been a lot different.

I am NOT saying they are invalid. I know your identity is something you have struggled with for many of your 65 years.

I'm saying your struggles are not the norm, and that is skewing your perspective. I'm saying you are coming from a place of privilege (formerly male privilege) and you don't understand the community as a whole.

1. I think you're lucky to come from a loving family.

Here's a statistic: family rejection and discrimination and violence have contributed to a large number of transgender and other LGBQ-identified youth who are homeless in the United States – an estimated 20-40% of the more than 1.6 million homeless youth.

Outside of the youth part of it: The National Center for Transgender Equality says one in five transgender people has been homeless at some point in their lives.

Even if trans people are not kicked out of their homes, they have issues with their families accepting them.

2. I think you're lucky to have money at your disposal.

Every transition process is different. The Philadelphia Center for Transgender Surgery offers price estimates for MTF and FTM procedures. The prices are staggering--THOUSANDS. And that's just the surgery. Talking to doctors and taking HRT and buying new clothes and going to therapy presents, no doubt, a daunting sum even for someone like you.

3. I think you're lucky to be white.

Sixteen of the at least 20 LGBT people murdered in 2014 were people of color, according to the NCAVP; 11 were transgender women, and 10 were transgender women of color.

Not to mention white people are just much more privileged than minorities. Which I know you know, as you've lived more than 60 years as a rich white Republican dude. And which I also know, as I have lived my 25 years of life as a middle-class white girl.

4. I think you're lucky to live a comfortable life, when it comes down to it. 

Transgender women are being murdered at a disgusting rate. 

Transgender women are resorting to sex work to make ends meet. 

.....I know you are from another generation than I am. I know you have struggled. I know your life has not been easy.

But your experiences are far from universal--and there are much more common experiences in the trans community and the LGBT community as a whole. Being discriminated against. Being shunned by family and friends. Seeing disgusting transphobic and homophobic portrayals in the media. Hoping that, one day, we can all have equal rights for marriage.

You have the platform, you have the support, you have the money, you have the fans. What I think you don't have are, maybe, the friends and the shared experiences that define many of us. And that is essential to understanding our identities and our desires and the issues that are important to the community.

Your comments are not helping a movement you and your TV show have been sharing with the world. They are not helping the people who have worked so hard for marriage equality and for positive representation in media. They are not helping a movement that was ignited in part by trans women of color at Stonewall in 1969.

In short, they are not helping your new family.

I can only ask you to be more mindful of what you say and do in front of an audience of millions--it matters.

Thank you.

And again--welcome to the fam.




P.S.

If you ever read this, please tell Kim I love her Hollywood game.

One of country's biggest couples calls it quits

Time to break out the "Kerosene" and "Gunpowder and Lead" albums, guys. Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton are purportedly getting divorced.

Credit: Taste of Country

The two have been dating since 2006 and were married in May 2011--Blake, as you may know, was married at the time he met Ran in 2005.

As a diehard Miranda fan, I often have to brush aside rumors of them fighting or being pregnant or drinking too much or cheating. But I believe TMZ if they have their hands on divorce docs. I'll reserve judgement on who did what for now, and can only hope it's going to be amiable. They have a long road ahead as two of country's biggest.