SWIFT REDEMPTION...brought to you by Gyllenhaal

It's just not Taylor Swift's year.

And does that upset me? Nah. Not a bit.

First, she gets shut out of Grammy nominations--so she'll be forced to sit idly by and watch as other stars get the recognition she "deserves" at the ceremony this winter.

Second, Jake Gyllenhaal apparently thought she was too young/too stuck-up/too dumb to date, and dumped her after a month of dating.

She is surely licking her wounds and writing a song of the angry breakup kind for poor Jake.

Luckily, I revamped part of Love Story for her...*ahem*

You were nine years older
When I first saw you
I closed my eyes as I sipped my latte,
You were there,
In LA in the summer air

See the lights, see the paparazzi
They're not gonna catch us doin' the naughty
Oh no no...
But little did I know...

That you are Gyllenhaal, and you can do much better
And your buddies said "stay away from Taylor Swift!"
And now I'm crying in my latte, writing a song for you...
And I'll say

I'm over you Jakey, sorry I'm so self-obsessed
I'll find another star to wear a white dress
For on a wedding day far in the future
Taylor Swift is back, bitch
And no one breaks up with her...

PS Congrats on the Peoples' Choice Awards...your fans still love you, but professionals and people who REALLY know you seem to be less than pleased.