Our failures, ourselves: Missing the World Cup

I am disappointed.

There is still an ache in the part of my heart that loves soccer, and loves my team, and I understand how our players must feel. I am disappointed for so many US Soccer servants who may never see a World Cup again: Bradley, Howard, Dempsey, Guzan, Beasley, Wondolowski, Zusi, Cameron, Bedoya, Jones and McCarty are all 30+ and could retire before Qatar in 2022. I am disappointed for my friend Donald and many members of American Outlaws who pour their heart and soul into following our USMNT around the country and across the water, who scream and cheer and push us to "believe that we will win." I am disappointed for the young players who missed two Olympics and will now miss a World Cup.

U.S. goalkeeper Tim Howard lies in the goal area after being scored upon by Trinidad and Tobago at a World Cup qualifying match at Ato Boldon Stadium in Couva, Trinidad and Tobago, Tuesday, Oct. 10, 2017. (AP Photo/Rebecca Blackwell)

I’m also angry. I have never played at a professional or international level, so I don’t understand how this happened, but I am pissed off. And who am I, even? Just a fan who wants to see the red, white, and blue tested against the world’s best. A fan who expects that, when our players put on that shirt, they know I am watching and they want to do right by me because I am an American, and they represent me on that field. They represent all of us. The USA shirt is heavy --but they know that every time they pull it on. They go to work. They make their money. They play under the floodlights, they see little kids wearing their name and number, they live out the childhood dreams of millions.

They carry the weight and expectations of a nation as they run across that green grass.

That weight is different now.

So, what happened? We can blame the loss on a lot of things. Cockiness. Lack of rest. Field conditions. Formation. Bruce Arena. Jurgen Klinsmann. Sunil Gulati. The referees. Our 2-1 loss to Trinidad is the focal point right now, but look back and see that this was of our own making. Of our games in the Hex, we won 3, tied 3, and lost 4. We didn’t deserve to go through. A tie in Trinidad or some goals in another match should not have shaped our destiny. We failed.

United States' Clint Dempsey reacts during a 2018 World Cup qualifying soccer match against Trinidad and Tobago in Couva, Trinidad, Tuesday, Oct. 10, 2017. (AP Photo/Rebecca Blackwell)

CONCACAF is not a surprise or a great mystery. Our players and other CONCACAF member players meet in the MLS weekly. We were crowned Gold Cup champions against these same opponents mere months ago. Before and after the Gold Cup, we failed to win our World Cup qualifiers in Costa Rica, Panama, Honduras, and Trinidad. Was the Gold Cup win (and our fourth place finish in Copa America the year before) because we only played on American soil in front of US Soccer faithful?

Why, then, did I stumble dumbly out of Columbus’s MAPFRE Stadium last November after a 2-1 loss to Mexico, freezing cold and covered in someone else’s beer, having seen the magic of “Dos a Cero” fail us? Why were we embarrassed in New Jersey in September, when Costa Rica put us down 2-0 in New Jersey? Bruce Arena can comment all he wants about how hard it is to qualify through CONCACAF. We proved his point this week, I suppose. Anyone can blame the field in Trinidad, can't they? Even as our US Women and our NWSL still struggle to get equal field condition footing with the men, on turf or on grass? Even as Belgium defeated Bosnia on a field that wasn't any better this week? Surely we didn’t lose because these US boys forgot how to get their boots wet, right?

Look, teams miss the Cup. Germany’s missed it. England’s missed it. The Netherlands aren’t going this year. It happens. It’s embarrassing. I hope the discussion among fans and pundits does not stop. The men’s game needs to be shocked into action. Why didn’t our young players qualify for the last two Olympics? They are the vanguard now, and they have missed out on three incredible opportunities to play at the highest level of competition. What will this team look like by then? Who will be the manager? Will we still be reliant on one man, one star who can shine abroad, one “secret” weapon we desperately can’t stop talking about? Will we see players like Brooks, Wood, Green, Johannsson, and Yedlin making bigger names for themselves outside of the MLS?

A thought on CP: We should not have to rely on the skills of one young man to pull us through. Pulisic is brilliant, and he is the future of US Soccer, but the entire weight of the country cannot sit on one teenager’s shoulders. We cannot expect him to pull us out of every situation, Messi-like, rising like a god to save our skins and do what everyone else on the pitch cannot. It is a heavy weight to bear. A team that revolves around and relies upon one player is not a team. Pulisic probably won’t go the way of Freddy Adu, our last young phenom, but it worries me how we look to him as a savior.

Perhaps Pulisic and some of our younger players are lucky. They have four years to get ready for this again. They have time to grow, and find success, and let this disappointment fester. They have time to crave the taste of WC competition, time to think about how to get there and breathe that rare air. So do we, the fans. So does the USSF. Nothing matters now but 2022. We need to be ready for it. The time starts now.

Books I've read in 2017: The Name of the Wind and The Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss

My name is Kvothe.

I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings. I burned down the town of Trebon. I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life. I was expelled from the University at a younger age than most people are allowed in. I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day. I have talked to Gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep.

You may have heard of me.

I have read (and listened, via Audible) to a beautifully-wrought fantasy series by Patrick Rothfuss several times this year. A friend of mine introduced me in 2014 and I discovered the story of Kvothe slowly, reading the books off and on before finally being hooked. Now, I'm on my 5th re-read and discover a new piece of the puzzle every time.

I suppose that part of the series' appeal right now is that it is unfinished, and the depth of storytelling allows fans to analyze the intricate writing to try and speculate about Book 3. It's been 10 years since The Name of the Wind was published, and 6 since its sequel The Wise Man's Fear. We're still waiting on the third installment in the series, tentatively called The Doors of Stone. Through the expansive first few books, Rothfuss carefully crafts a world of magic, music, and myth.

Our hero Kvothe--or perhaps our antihero--was once regarded highly as a singer, swordsman, magician, genius, and overall legend. Now, he has fallen from public grace after starting a war, perhaps faked his own death, and now manages a quiet inn, a shadow of his former self. Rothfuss describes him at the beginning and end of each book as "a man who is waiting to die." It is the story of his life, told in his own words, from an idyllic childhood as a trouper to the murder of his parents by a mysterious group of people, to the University where he searches for answers to their death, and far beyond.

At the same time, the frame story reveals how dangerous the world has truly become, and how Kvothe blames himself for everything that happened.

I am not quite sure what I will read after I finish Wise Man's Fear for the fifth time. I may take a break. I may delve back in. Hopefully, if nothing else I've said so far has, this will be what convinces someone to give these a try--the fact that this series is worth that many rereads!

Click here for an excerpt of NotW from Pat Rothfuss' official site!