Let's be honest. "Dark Horse" was not as big of a shit show as it could have been. But it was still kind of insane. Are you guys okay? Because if you are okay after Sunday, I'm sorry but we're going to go down the hole again.
So we started out with some good old-fashioned plot stuff and trouble in paradise with Bo and Rainer arguing about some shit.
Oh, Bo's dad! You are so crazy! Too bad we probably won't learn anything more about you except that you're fucking insane!
And then we saw some familiar stuff!
At the Dal, Rainer and Trick finally had a face-to-face for the first time since Trick put him on the crazy train!
Meanwhile, somewhere totally nondescript, Massimo was being weird as fuck and yammering on to Lauren about how he was gonna impress Mommy.
At the Dal, we had more plot exposition. Bo has both Light Fae blood, "Mage blood," from her mom--allows her to drain life for nourishment and survival--and a darker blood from her dad that allows her to drain life from multiple sources and possibly give it back to someone. So, she's a hybrid Fae basically.
But then Massimo starts up and starts yammering again!!!
He beats Trick and Bo up real bad and then he starts wailing on Rainer, who wants to fight and do something good with his last few moments on this plane of existence. And then he tells Bo to tell Tamsin that she can now take his soul home to Valhalla.
Massimo snaps his damn neck!!!
RIP Rainer, we hardly knew ye.
Bo cried a bit about it before Tamsin yelled at her to get her Dark Queen ass in action. Tell her, Tam!
And they DID make out! Well, more like Bo took some Valkyrie juice. And then Dyson and Kenz showed up and Bo looked at her with such hurt in her eyes that it just killed me.
Tamsin and Kenzi are reading over a book that the magical horse lady left behind. In it, it says that to close the portal, Bo's heart must be sacrificed! Kenz really takes these words to heart, so to speak.
Bo rips up her Dark Fae contract and says she belongs to NO MAN! Then she laments Rainer a little more and Dyson very skillfully changes the subject and swears fealty to Bo in what I really think was one of the sweetest parts of the episode. Kris H-R is a great actor--and no matter what 'shipping side you are on, I do hope you realize how good of a dude Dyson is.
So, they show up to the portal and some extras from The Walking Dead are there hanging out. Bo gets hungry and decides to suck out their chi! And then, because DUH, she goes all Evil Queen and blabbery!
Luckily, Dyson's lips are there to stop her from breaking into a rendition of Run the World (Girls).
Meanwhile, the (human) Morrigan is trying to seduce Trick, who comes to some realization that he needs to go beat up the revenants. Okay, bud, do ya thang.
Evony says "Bo-beque" and "grandslaughter" and picks a wedgie, so that's the only reason this scene needed to be that long. This show was RIFE with puns today.
Bo can feel her dad coming closer, so she asks Dyson to hold off the revenants with Tamsin (and keep Kenzi safe) while she goes to kill Massimo and save Dr. Hotpants. Dyson, being the angel puppy that he is, tells her to go get the girl and he will drop kick the zombies back into wherever they are from because I still didn't understand that whole portal thing.
Bo goes to put on Lauren's necklace as Kenzi and Tamsin come in looking for her. Bo again gives her bestie a look that is really not okay because it is beautiful and poignant and so, so sad because Bo feels bad for all the hurt Kenzi has had to endure.
Kenz gives her the sword from their house, and a big hug, which I think is basically a sign for "I forgive you." Hey, is someone cutting onions in here?
You guys! :( Poor Kenzi. Poor Bo. Poor everyone.
And then this episode starts getting full of stuff! Bo, Lauren and Massimo spend like five hours bantering back and forth and spouting stupid puns while they kind of fight.
And then Evony shows up, and Bo makes her little mama's boy so mad!
Bo shows him how he can suck out his mom's life force--but unless he really loves her, he can't stop! And he won't stop!
So, after Massimo nearly kills Mama, Bo does a quick and simple chi suck and stuns him--but then uses the sword Kenzi gave her and KILLS HIM SO DEAD!!
RIP Massimo, you were a bastard!!
Back at the portal, Kenzi has made up her mind. She knows what she has to do. If Bo's heart is the key to closing the portal, Kenzi is that heart. Kenzi must sacrifice herself for Bo.
Dyson is not happy.
But it cuts back to Lauren and Bo being all cutesy and spawning a million gifsets from Doccubus fans. Lauren says she isn't dark or light, she is Bo's--and stays to help the Morrigan while Bo goes to the battlefield.
On her way, Bo-Bo feels a twinge in her heart. And she knows what is happening.
Tamsin and Trick are still fighting valiantly as Dyson tries in vain to go into the portal himself.
Kenzi reminds him that, though Bo loves Dyson and Lauren, Kenzi will always be her heart. And if Kenzi dies in battle, a warrior, Tamsin can take her to Valhalla and she will wait there for Bo to come find her. And maybe she'll get to see Hale again.
Bo arrives just in time to see her best friend disappear into the light of the portal after a long slow walk and piano music. :( Kenzi smiles as she meets Bo's eyes, as if to say...I'll see you later.
And it works. The portal closes, the revenants fall. Tamsin rushes to the little Russian's side and transports her to Valhalla.
...or so we think. Dyson somehow appears at a gate to Valhalla and finds Tamsin, who seems very afraid of what may happen to Kenzi. She begs him not to let Bo find the other hell shoe (helshoe??). She is basically terrified. Dyson takes her away, and it looks like the entrance to Valhalla is actually a very well-graffitied wall somewhere...
We see Bo and her yellow car pull up to the cemetery. She says in a voice-over that they buried Rainer by the battlefield where he served long ago. A man with a very shaky voice sang a lot. Bo laments that she has already lost so much...but she has to stay strong.
Kenzi's gravestone reads "Friend. Warrior. Heart." Bo tells her that she misses her, she needs her courage. But she vows to keep fighting, that no one else will die on her watch. She will go wherever she needs to to bring her bestie back. She says that "them," whoever they are, are the ones who should be afraid.
...and that's it, my friends. :( A roller coaster of a season. S5 hasn't been announced yet, but if it does, what do you think will happen? Are you over last week's episode yet? Are we all gonna be okay or not? :(
